Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a used, three-week old tea bag stuck to the floorboard next to your trashcan, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, a familiar parched face, Hollywood's darlingest scab , Drew Barrymore, who is once more here to remind us that her cute-wittle-girl routine is well past its sell-by date. To be honest, it’s been that way for a while, or ever since she began hosting her own talk show where slobbering over her guests like an over-eager puppy, crying and holding their hands became her "winsome" trademark - something she sometimes does while wearing overalls (which is unacceptable!).  Of course, most of mankind and galaxies beyond already know that Drew had a rough childhood which included drugs, more drugs, and, yes, more drugs. I feel like it's been drilled into our subconscious by now - along with Lindsay Lohan’s drunk dri...

Can you hear the screeching tires? Do you see the donut marks on the pavement? In an extraordinary reversal, Drew Barrymore announced today that her cash-grab syndicated talk show will not be returning during the dual strikes of the WGA and SAG, but instead will return after the strikes have concluded. Luckily for our darling, funny-bunny Drew, this does not affect her cash-grab gambling app, Bingo Blitz, or her cash-grab kitchen product line, Beautiful at WalMart, or her cash-grab hair and beauty products, like Drew's Flower Hair Tools, or her cash-grab "Drew's News" products, like her branded coffee cups and T-shirts. So rest easy, kids. Drew will not be homeless. Phew. I knew you were worried. The most notable thing about this desperate, deeply cynical reversal is how swift it was, and how vehemently the public turned against her. Part of this was Drew's own doing. Her boneheaded Instagram posts and videos - one of which she pulled - were flat-out embarrassin...

Uh-oh. America's cutest ever little sister or wacky Auntie (take your pick) has pulled a boner. With no warning or logical reason, she's decided to resume shooting her eponymous talk show - even though it's a signatory of the Writers Guild of America, which, newsflash, Drew, is on strike. But cutesy-wootsy, funny-bunny Drew doesn't care.  In her garbled, word-salad post to Instagram, she makes the argument that she's been a good girl, since she didn't host the MTV awards at the onset of the strike. And she's only returning now, she says, because "this is bigger than me." What's bigger than you, Drew? Those fat, syndicated paychecks you're missing? Those eager production and network executives salivating for ad buys?  Her patented Little Girl Defensiveness™ continues when she states that her show is "built for sensitive times," as if it were a baby koala, or so sweet and darling that you mustn't ever slap it upside the head whe...