Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Saucy Kitty! What should we call them? Belena? Senny? Tiresome? Many of you have read that Selena Gomez has finally gotten engaged to music producer Benny Blanco, aka that fugly guy in the pink furry bathroom picture in People’s "Sexiest Man Alive" edition, aka the dude who gave her a bathtub filled with queso cheese for Valentine’s Day, prompting protests about food waste and the gross-nasty of eating out of a bathtub. My personal protest? What’s with the icky bathroom stuff? Before I pop the question (ha!), a brief background on the soon-to-be-wed (OR WILL THEY?): Selena started her ascent to fame on PBS’s “Barney & Friends” and went on to star in the Disney teen sitcom, “Wizards of Waverley Place.” Following that, she launched a singing career with such hits as… eh, must I? Do we care? I say no. She also starred in a bunch...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Tu Es Fou! Trump and his loathsome cronies wasted no time in consuming us with chaos. For the most part, the initial assailment consists of three prongs: 1. The threat of mass deportation and amped-up ICE presence 2. The attack on the federal workforce ( article written by an anonymous fed ) 3. The attack on diversity, equity, and inclusion*, in part, through a government data coup run by Elon Musk and his merry band of sociopath baby incels . (*say the whole thing. Don’t let the meaning be lost in the acronym) These are just the main ones. The news feels ceaseless and that's intentional. The chaos is meant to make us feel overwhelmed and hopeless. In Ezra Klein’s opinion piece, “Don't Believe Him ,” he notes, "Trump is acting like a king because he is too weak to govern like a president. He is trying to substitute perceptio...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from ScarHOE! When the camera panned away from Lisa Vanderpump and we followed the SUR staff into the kitchen, lives were changed. We are gathered here today to say goodbye to "Vanderpump Rules" as we know it. Goodbye to the Toms. Goodbye to Scheana’s veneers. Goodbye to Lala’s fake gangsta persona. "Vanderpump Rules" started in 2013, following the servers at Lisa Vanderpump’s Sexy Unique Restaurant (SUR). They were wannabe actors, models (“mactors”); beautiful people trying to make it in LA while working at a restaurant. Tom Sandoval, Jax Taylor, Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney, Scheana Marie, Kristen Doute were the main characters in the beginning. As their lives changed, we met Tom Schwartz, Brittany Cartwright, Laura-Leigh (God bless), that one rando Vail, Ariana Madix, Miami Girl, Lala Kent, James Kennedy, Faith.  The ...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Mizcynical! So what are your plans this weekend? If you happen to have a spare $5,000, or even $1,200, burning a hole in your pocket in this economy , then I have just the thing for you. Gwyneth Paltrow, our favorite out-of-touch-basic-bitch (who was briefly African), is hosting an in-person wellness summit. Because of course she is and her timing couldn't be more exquisite. Perhaps, dear reader, you don't live in Los Angeles, therefore missing out on the opportunity to see and  work with her in the Santa Monica goop office - and if you do, this means you earn enough money to afford a studio apartment with six roommates in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  Another downside of not living in L.A. is that you don't have an overpriced Panera Bread - oops, I meant goop kitchen - near you, therefore, missing out on the...

Welcome, Manor Hors, to The Roving Pecker, where we present the latest episode of "The Tales Of Peckerwood Manor" by our very own Kombitcha! Any resemblance to actual Manor Hors is intentional, except when it's not. Enjoy! TITLE: “Garden Party Pandemonium” EXT. PECKERWOOD MANOR – GARDEN – DAY The camera zooms in on Bree, who’s battling a pile of costume pieces, preparing for the fancy-dress garden party. Nearby, Raincoaster is scribbling in her notebook, pondering the mystery symbols, half-focused on the chaos around her. Kombitcha is anxiously eyeing a suspicious bag labeled “Glitter Galore.” BREE (whispering to herself) This garden party is more chaotic than a cat in a room full of laser pointers. (alarmed)  Is that glitter?!  KOMBITCHA  Glitter is the herpes of the arts and craft world. You can never get rid of it. BREE (grimacing) Let’s set up a no-glitter zone. For the love of sequins, I refuse to turn this place into a disco ball of doom. And speaking of sequins, wh...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from our own beloved  Kombitcha!

Source: Getty Images Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from GlamourDoll! First Justin Timberlake’s DWI, and now Dave Grohl’s affair and love child.  The last few months haven't been good to ‘90’s boybanders! Wiggle your spirit fingers for every “upstanding” family man who's been revealed to be a dirty-dog cheater! Dave’s peen has wandered over to join the infamous ranks of cheating married musicians, like Adam Levine, Michael Bublé, Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, LeAnn Rimes, Ozzy Osbourne, Jay-Z and so many more. Once again, the more you have to shout from the rooftops about what a good and perfect and supercool person you are, the less surprising it is when it’s revealed that you’re a tacky, rotted slimeball in a fake, shiny wrapper. In other words, we should have seen this coming.  In the afternoon hours of September 10, 2024 (coincidently a few hours before a certai...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Saucy Kitty! Meow to you, Pecker Feline Fans! As you surely know, many colors of kitties exist - from tabby to tux to void to cow to blank - so it's a rare occasion when science discovers an entirely new shade of cat. Introducing the salty licorice, or “Salmiak” cat from Finland. Salty licorice is apparently a cherished Finnish sweet, and that is what these babies’ furs look like (reminder to self: do not visit any country where black licorice is considered a top-shelf treat). Discovered in feral colonies around 2007, these particular purrers (see what I did there?) are usually marked in a tuxedo pattern - but their individual fur strands are black at the base, then fade to white at the tip. They sometimes have small patches of color over the white markings, as well. When scientists at the University of Helsinki and the pet DNA company...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Asparagus Pee! § I know you all wish you'd been in Chicago for the DNC (and probably for the hot dogs, too), but since you weren't, I’m here to fill you in on what they affectionately call “Coach-chella.”  Or more specifically,"DemPALOOZA," a multi-day expo filled with training sessions, panels, briefings, and activations to get people fired up for the election in November, and to help ensure that the Blue Wave is a tsunami. Speakers from all over guided people on the ins-and-outs of campaigning, gave tips on effective activism, and how to get organized to keep the wheels of democracy turning. But first, some nerd shit! While the DNC's  main convention was being hosted at the United Center on Chicago’s west side, "DemPALOOZA" was being hosted at McCormick Place , the largest convention center in North Americ...