THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "RIP Vanderpump Rules" By ScarHoe!

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Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from ScarHOE!

When the camera panned away from Lisa Vanderpump and we followed the SUR staff into the kitchen, lives were changed. We are gathered here today to say goodbye to "Vanderpump Rules" as we know it. Goodbye to the Toms. Goodbye to Scheana’s veneers. Goodbye to Lala’s fake gangsta persona.

"Vanderpump Rules" started in 2013, following the servers at Lisa Vanderpump’s Sexy Unique Restaurant (SUR). They were wannabe actors, models (“mactors”); beautiful people trying to make it in LA while working at a restaurant. Tom Sandoval, Jax Taylor, Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney, Scheana Marie, Kristen Doute were the main characters in the beginning. As their lives changed, we met Tom Schwartz, Brittany Cartwright, Laura-Leigh (God bless), that one rando Vail, Ariana Madix, Miami Girl, Lala Kent, James Kennedy, Faith. 

The cast of characters on "Vanderpump Rules" let us see their brightest moments, like when Scheana got married to Shay. Their darkest, too, as when Scheana divorced Shay because of his pill addiction. Then we were forced to listen to her talk about her new boyfriend “Rob” every two minutes. Or when half the cast was fired for racist remarks about their Black cast member, Faith.


"Vanderpump Rules" gave us iconic moments and phrases that have ended up becoming part of the Bravosphere lexicon. I think I use at least one phrase a day. From using Jax Taylor’s coked out declaration, “I’m the #1 guy in the group” when trying to push my husband out of the way, or telling my sister Stassi’s, “I don’t know what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio,” every time we’re fighting. It’s difficult to narrow down a favourite moment when there have been so many historical events. Yes, historic! Even the Scandoval made it to CNN.

When Bree very kindly gave me feedback for this piece, he asked that I expand on the "iconic moments" section. But choosing which moments to highlight was so difficult. I had a robust list of items to mention, but then my sister sent me the below video. I think it sums up all the great moments we experienced on "Vanderpump Rules."

So goodbye to "Vanderpump Rules" as we know it. Thank you for everything. Thanks to the insane cast that drank, fought, and made terrible life choices for our entertainment. Thank you to Jax’s four rhinoplasties. Thank you to Scheana’s “It’s All Happening” tattoo. Thank you. I watch reruns at every opportunity. Thank you for getting my friends and I through the pandemic. I will always love you.

Photo Credits: Bravo, Getty Images

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