OPEN POST: The Sunday Roast Featuring The Russian Disco Van!
Getty Images Get in, loser! We’re going roasting! But we’re taking the long way around, so be patient while I tell you a story. A story of my youth. That’s right, we’re talking about the Before Times. Before Trump. Before Covid. Before Y2K. Before, yes, before Madonna was A Thing. Dinosaurs roamed the Earth, or at least Dino Martin did. Back when I was a wee sprog, I, like all GenXers, watched a lot of cartoons. And one thing all of them (other than Looney Tunes) had in common was a cool vehicle. The Banana Splits had a dune buggy. Scooby and the gang had the Mystery Machine. Archie had his jalopy. Josie and the Pussycats had a party van. The Partridge Family had a cool skoolie. Yes, they had a cartoon. Naturally, I concluded that when you became a teenager you got a fun vehicle and drove around with your friends solving mysteries and singing pop tunes. Obviously . I also believed that they carded you when you ordered a teenburger at A&W, but I digress. I was so innocent then...