THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "How To Be A Nice Guy 90s Rocker" by GlamourDoll!
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| Source: Getty Images |
Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from
First Justin Timberlake’s DWI, and now Dave Grohl’s affair and love child. The last few months haven't been good to ‘90’s boybanders! Wiggle your spirit fingers for every “upstanding” family man who's been revealed to be a dirty-dog cheater! Dave’s peen has wandered over to join the infamous ranks of cheating married musicians, like Adam Levine, Michael Bublé, Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, LeAnn Rimes, Ozzy Osbourne, Jay-Z and so many more. Once again, the more you have to shout from the rooftops about what a good and perfect and supercool person you are, the less surprising it is when it’s revealed that you’re a tacky, rotted slimeball in a fake, shiny wrapper. In other words, we should have seen this coming.
In the afternoon hours of September 10, 2024 (coincidently a few hours before a certain debate that in no way would dominate the news cycle), the internet’s jaw dropped when headlines popped up that Dave, aka “the nicest guy in rock,” Grohl welcomed a baby “outside” of his marriage. Oopsie! Dave, 55, has been married to Jordyn Blum, 48, since 2003. Together, they have 3 daughters, ages 10, 15 and 18.
Dave broke the news in an Instagram post, farting out a buzzword-y non-apology about “love,” “trust,” “forgiveness,” “blah-blah” and to please THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Oh, we will, Dave. Specifically, how they came to be, and with whose peen.
Rumors about Dave’s cheating have been around for years. He cheated on his first wife, Jennifer Leigh Youngblood, in the mid-90s. Snowboarder Tina Basich said he cheated during their 2 year relationship, and Louise Post (from Veruca Salt) revealed he cheated on her with Winona Ryder, also both in the 90s. Beetlejuice even gasped and said “I’d never!”
Last week, it came out that Dave hired a divorce lawyerto keep as much of his money before he admitted the news. It doesn’t say when, exactly, but I bet he sought out legal advice before Jordyn found out about the pregnancy. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he admitted it to her right before his Instagram post. It would be a shame if he fought dirty during a divorce, when it was 100% his fault, but unfortunately not shocking.
In his very latest lowball move, it was reported that Dave has accused Jordyn of having a “flirty” relationship with her tennis coach - because of course he did. Really I ask you, do all cheaters, famous or not, use the. Exact. Same. Playbook? Sorry, Dave, but no points for creativity.
In the afternoon hours of September 10, 2024 (coincidently a few hours before a certain debate that in no way would dominate the news cycle), the internet’s jaw dropped when headlines popped up that Dave, aka “the nicest guy in rock,” Grohl welcomed a baby “outside” of his marriage. Oopsie! Dave, 55, has been married to Jordyn Blum, 48, since 2003. Together, they have 3 daughters, ages 10, 15 and 18.
Dave broke the news in an Instagram post, farting out a buzzword-y non-apology about “love,” “trust,” “forgiveness,” “blah-blah” and to please THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Oh, we will, Dave. Specifically, how they came to be, and with whose peen.
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| Source: Dave Grohl/Instagram |
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| Source: Warner Bros. |
And those are just the ones from a quick lookie-loo on Google. Dave’s been touring the world for over 30 years. The more someone cheats, the more arrogant and sloppier they get. He didn’t care enough to get a vasectomy or even use a condom. The “nicest guy in rock” put Jordyn’s health in danger from potential STIs for who knows how long. For a long time previous to this mess, Dave has been pretty low-key from a celebrity gossip standpoint. He was recently seen with wife Jordyn (gotta get ahead of the baby news, amirite Dave?) in July at Wimbledon.
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| Source: Getty Images |
At first glance, he looked like a regular bored tennis viewer, but it’s now quite obvious that his glazed-over expression is actually pure dread. I am so screwed. Why is this bad thing happening to me? I’m guessing this is his version of going to church with a nice Sunday school boy haircut and wearing a bowtie.
Last week, it came out that Dave hired a divorce lawyer
In his very latest lowball move, it was reported that Dave has accused Jordyn of having a “flirty” relationship with her tennis coach - because of course he did. Really I ask you, do all cheaters, famous or not, use the. Exact. Same. Playbook? Sorry, Dave, but no points for creativity.
As for Jordyn, I wish her and her daughters well. But honestly, does anyone expect even the so-called “nice” famous musicians to keep it in their pants? Would you marry a rockstar and think they would stay faithful? Jordyn might have known what she was getting into, but that doesn’t make Dave’s behavior any less scummy or selfish, or that she deserved it.
As for what’s next, who knows? Will Jordyn dump Dave and #geteverything? Will this start Dave’s descent into this generation’s Mick Jagger with babies into his 70s? Will more women come forward? Will we hear from the baby-mama? Will Dave keep his “nice guy” narrative or will he embrace his villain era by growing out his mustache to twirl it menacingly?
But I do know this. Somewhere Courtney Love is cackling!
But I do know this. Somewhere Courtney Love is cackling!
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