I Promised I Would Read Britney's Book: Honest Thoughts About The Woman In Me
It is an example of her telling her story and me reading between the lines. I begged to differ; ma'am, in some sections, she can get dreamy and escapist sometimes in others, like someone who is never really in reality and spends time in fugue states. There are admissions: she knows she has no fashion sense, she abused Adderall as her drug, had an affair with Colin Farrell, that she was a bitch for a few years, she had postpartum depression, took Prozac as a teen, she was put on Lithium, she has terrible social anxiety, and her body isn't what it once was.
A few huge bombs were thrown at her seriously fucked up family, whose trauma started well before she was born, and it poisoned her family and childhood. Britney was a child born into anger, suicide, alcoholism, abuse, severe mental illness, loneliness, and chaos. Her chances to be whole and healthy were against her as soon as she took her first breath. It is not an excuse for her behavior, not in any way, shape, or form, but it does explain her hostility toward them and why she doesn't want anything to do with them. Parts of her story are very dark, raw, shocking, harrowing, and sad.
She describes being a child with no stability under the dark cloud of Jamie's extreme alcoholism, irresponsibility, anger, and abusive behavior. He is also a victim of a brutal father and a Bipolar mother who committed suicide over her dead child's grave. Britney reveals that when her grandfather would get fed up with his wives, he had three; he would have them committed to the state mental hospital against their will. There is a cavalier cruelty about her traumatic upbringing, and it doesn't take a psychologist to recognize she was headed for hanging with a fast crowd, having sex too young, drinking, smoking, and being defiant. Her selfish sister is the family's spoiled Golden Child, her brother took most of Jamie's violence, and Britney was mainly neglected and afraid of him.
As for other bombs, what she dished out to Justin Timberlake is nuclear, and I don't see how he comes back from this unscathed. This gives me a lot of delicious pleasure. Britney gets my respect for not holding back and serving him what he has deserved for years. Spaghetti Head is the terrible kind of guy who would secretly film having sex with you and show it to everyone in high school. It makes sense that a man like that would lie about exposing Janet's breast years later and then let her take the fall for it. I believe her when she says he devastated her, betrayed her, and because he was the golden boy, he got away with it. This egomaniac smugly bragged about sleeping with her on national TV in a move that would never be accepted nowadays.
When he dumped her, he callously chose to do it by text. After three years together, even longer as friends, that was what she was worth to him, and it says a lot more about his character than it does about hers. If that wasn't enough, he misrepresented her. He lied and wrote slam songs about her, recording them for his debut album without her even being aware he was characterizing her as the one who serially cheated. Britney admits that she did once, but it is nothing close to all the things he had done to her, which he flipped around and audaciously misrepresented as her actions instead of his. And the backlash against her was painful. In this, she had no voice; she does now, and in setting the record straight, he has to eat this dish served ice cold, and I am loving the fallout from it for him, which has been long overdue.
A strength of the book is when Britney rails against societal double standards regarding mental health and how the male celebrities who have acted out in public (Sean Penn or Johnny Depp or Shia) never get committed to a psychiatric facility and certainly not controlled like she was. I had forgotten how grown men would ask her if her breasts were real, about her body, and objectified her, yet male celebrities don't get that same sexist treatment. The hounding by the paparazzi had sexist overtones, and they were outrageous back then. She could not take their constant invasion of her space and maliciousness, often taunting her to get the money shot. On these things, I am totally sympathetic, and this is when her voice shines through strongly and admirably. Who knew she had such feminist ideals? I didn't.
What is disappointing is that she skims over less flattering things that we all remember, and she thinks her erratic behavior, was just grief, rebellion, eccentric, or normal. She makes way too many excuses, and she never admits to a diagnosis of Bipolar even though she paints that portrait without even knowing it. Of course, this is all from her perspective, yet I don't believe a judge would have ended the conservatorship without proper consideration of the evidence. There is absolutely no excuse for how she was handled with draconian invasive practices that come off as sadistic and relentless in some instances.
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| Britney and Jamie |
Now, knowing their history, her father was the last man in the universe who should have been her conservator; he and all those around her had their own interests, and it was laser-focused on her sizable fortune. A lot of people made a lot of money in those 13 years treating her like a prisoner instead of creating a natural therapeutic environment that she desperately needed. What mother writes a book like Lynne did while her child is unraveling. Jamie Lynne did the same thing.
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| Britney and Jamie Lynne |
Her entire family was totally reliant on her money as income, so they had no reason to do what would have been right, and shady gaslighting Jamie was the worst. No one can name any lucrative jobs Lynne, Jamie Lynne, or her brother Bryan had during that period, and that is because they lived off of her. People said her mother would have been worse, right? In 2010, Jamie and Lynne got back together, so she's always been in the picture, behaving like a greedy machinator.
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| Jamie, Britney, Bryan and Lynne |
Her sons are where I said No, ma'am, hold up, sister, and get the fuck out of here. You were unfit to care for them, and the courts objectively agreed. Sure, her parents are shitty parents, but so is she. Britney gushes about how well the boys turned out as if she was somehow a reason, but that isn't their side of things, far from it, and I believe them. These boys, who already have to deal with her issues, plead with her to stop with the nudity. They have been through a lot in the public eye and ask little from her, yet she continues to do strange things on Instagram. If they were so important to her, she would stop humiliating them. A loving parent would be doing everything to make things up to them, but she never acknowledges their pain. Not once.
Yes, her story is horrid, and her family are vile parasites, but her boys deserve a lot more than they are getting from her. Instead of twirling, manically doing bad, "sexy" dance routines on Instagram, she should be fighting to keep her mental health in check, get into trauma therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and drug treatment for Adderall addiction; I mean, she should be fighting for her sanity, which is solely up to her now. Has she learned nothing? There is no way in hell she is able to care for herself properly if this carries on. Britney is free, so now what?
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| Britney's sons |
I also push back on her inability to take responsibility for her actions, never reflecting on how out of control she was, and she never explains why she didn't get help or do the hard work before her mercenary family got involved. Not once does she admit that she needs help for real. In what freaking parallel universe was her behavior before the conservatorship, not a big deal? Doesn't she recall going around doing outlandish things, flashing people, driving around constantly, the wigs, her unkempt appearance, her recklessness with her children, and Sam Fucking Lufti?
It all came flooding back. She tries to frame it her way and minimize that part of her story. She focuses on being victimized, but now she is continuing to do it for Jamie, Lynne, and Jamie Lynne(she hates her guts with good reason). Federline's opportunism is no surprise, and that story has already been told.
If you are a diehard fan, like gossip (Mariah Carey's appearance is so Mariah), a curious person, or bored, then decide to either pay for the book or get it on Audible for free. Michelle Williams does such a great job that it is worth getting the audio version of her performance alone. I was impressed with her way of reading, especially, when using a mocking voice describing and copying Justin Timberassaghettihead's ridiculous blaccent after he approaches Ginuwine. I died laughing, knowing somewhere he was in agony unused to a ruthless comeuppance, and it is so thorough and merciless; it is Britney's coup de grâce. It is a narcissist's worst nightmare to be the object of ridicule, and I absolutely fucking love that there is nowhere to hide.
As a revenge slambook, it excels, as a memoir-it is compelling and constant; however, it is not for someone ambivalent about Britney Spears. I don't regret reading and listening to it. There are highlights, but is it a must-read? Not really.
(Photos: YouTube, Getty, Instagram)
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