THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "She’s No Poet, and We All Know It" By SaucyKitty!

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from SaucyKitty!

Along with all the memoirs hitting the bookstores lately, we have a new contender: Megan Fox. Yes, she recently released a book of her based-on-real-life poems entitled, “Pretty Boys Are Poisonous” (so deep) (so insightful) (much thoughts!). The author herself stated, “Those are all real-life experiences that I had.” So kind of a memoir but in iambic pentameter? If only Megan even knew what that was.

She went on to explain the book was “written in an attempt to excise the illness that had taken root in me because of my silence. I’ve spent my entire life keeping the secrets of men. My body aches from carrying the weight of their sins. My freedom lives in these pages, and I hope that my words can inspire others to take back their happiness and their identity [by] using their voice to illuminate what’s been buried, but not forgotten, in the darkness” (Again: Much Deep Big Word Salad!). I mean, my body has ached from men’s sins, but that’s usually because I’ve been screwed to the moon and back, and I still don’t feel the need to write poems about it, but maybe that’s just me? Y’all, Megan is on a healing journey, and we’re all invited!

According to multiple sources, Megan drops a few bombshell revelations as well as some “meh, we already knew that” news. For example, she’s in luuuuuuuv with Colson Baker aka “Machine Gun Kelly,” or as some of us like to call him, “BB Gun Kelly.” As if these two haven’t shoved their luuuuuuuv down our collective throats enough, the book includes poems about their relationship, with lines describing MGK as “an addiction that no amount of prayers will ever cure” as well as a “complacent rock star” and a “32-year-old narcissist" (if he’s her twin flame, does that make her a narcissist, too?).

However, we should not think that all these poems are about Kelly: "Inevitably, once you're in a famous relationship, anything I do or say for the rest of my life, people will probably think it's about him, because the relationship is so public.” Well, yes, the relationship is public, but only because you two take every opportunity possible to showcase the two of you shoving your tongues down each other’s throats. She went on to explain that his songs are not all about her either. Really? WOW. So despite what we have been lead to believe, these two do think about things besides each other. Imagine that.

For those of us wanting a sample of her writing, here is an excerpt from her poem, “I’ve Always Like Serpents,” based on the biblical story of Adam and Eve:
                           "Maybe the original sin
                            was a man
                            taking a woman
                            for granted."
Now I don’t know about y’all, but I do believe I was writing better poetry at age 13, and let me tell you, that stuff pretty much sucked.

Of course, Megan does open up about some pretty intense stuff, such as being in physically and/or emotionally-abusive relationships with “very famous — very famous — people. But no one knows that I was involved with those people.” Well, I guess not naming them is a good way to not be sued for libel, but honestly, this feels a little…disingenuous? Points, though, for talking about domestic abuse and bringing it up. We really do need to de-stigmatize domestic abuse, and I can tell folks from experience that when it’s happening to you, a LOT of people will assume that YOU are the one “doing something wrong” or “annoying him/her/them.”

Megan also discusses and writes about the miscarriage she had with MGK, another topic that I wish we would normalize. Miscarriages happen more often than we think, and it would be great if more women (and their partners) could openly discuss the grief, pain, and trauma of the experience. I do have to laud the woman for opening up about two painful, personal topics.

However, one thing she said in a recent interview was about how straight men have recently been vilified. Um, HELLO? Excuse MOI? With all these straight men in power - taking away the hard-earned rights of women, LGBTQA+, and people of color - it’s the straight men who have been vilified? Are we living on the same planet? The same country, even? It’s when she says things like this and other nonsense about her “twin flame” that I start to gag and retch. Really, she needs to stick to writing poetry to process her pain. Just don’t, you know, punish the rest of us by publishing it, then running your mouth nonsensically during the multiple interviews that your “art” has gotten you.

I mean, honestly, again, kudos for being open and talking about some issues we need to discuss more often and openly. Then again, these are the lines from her poem about a kind-of Romeo and Juliet: 

                            "I still imagine she kills herself in the end though,

                            only he doesn't follow.

                            He just signs up for Raya instead." 

Obviously, we are in the presence of the next Emily Dickinson, only wearing Hot Topics clothing instead of a white dress and bolt-on-bewbs. Lest we forget, Megan did spare us some of her many poetic thoughts. The actress explained, “I didn't even bother sending the majority of what I wrote to my editor, because they were too graphic and unsettling for others to read." Well, thank the goddess for small mercies!

Photo Credits: Getty Images, Megan Fox/Instagram