THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "2 Girls, 1 Stanley Cup" By Daniel C!
Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from
I’m a mammal just like you. No, really. Once upon a time, I wore studded belts because Avril Lavigne and Pink suggested my 14-year-old self should do so - and who would deny Avril and Pink, hardcore punk rock legends that they were, such a request? So I get it. A sense of belonging and similarity to our fellow mammals is crucial to every one of us. It’s embedded in our DNA. But what happens when we remove the human component and everything happens online – and we lose our individuality for the sake of being an individual? When your validation comes entirely in heart emojis on an app for that sweet dopamine hit that we all crave?
So, yeah, let’s talk about that Stanley cup. When the "news" broke that there was a new shiny object that people are willing to camp in a Target parking lot for at 4am, I was baffled. Were they handing out Jon Hamm’s fresh semen in those cups? I would be willing to park my butt cheeks on the cold concrete at 4am for that (probably in line with most of you). When I hear about something that happened at 4 am in a Target parking lot, I want it to be juicy. Filthy even. But a cup? An empty cup? The obsession was over the cup being pink and licensed under Starbucks, the official sanctuary of Basics. And don’t judge me, I regularly gobble down a pumpkin spice latte as if it were Jon Hamm’s fresh semen on June 1st or whenever Starbucks thinks fall starts, being the thirsty skanque I am.
So, yeah, let’s talk about that Stanley cup. When the "news" broke that there was a new shiny object that people are willing to camp in a Target parking lot for at 4am, I was baffled. Were they handing out Jon Hamm’s fresh semen in those cups? I would be willing to park my butt cheeks on the cold concrete at 4am for that (probably in line with most of you). When I hear about something that happened at 4 am in a Target parking lot, I want it to be juicy. Filthy even. But a cup? An empty cup? The obsession was over the cup being pink and licensed under Starbucks, the official sanctuary of Basics. And don’t judge me, I regularly gobble down a pumpkin spice latte as if it were Jon Hamm’s fresh semen on June 1st or whenever Starbucks thinks fall starts, being the thirsty skanque I am.
Also, as you may know, I am not a girl, and the girl-type I’m going to reference is usually a grown woman. The girl I speak of shows all the characteristics of someone who is chronically online. Annoying, inflated sense of self, appearing smug, but also slightly desperate and not too savvy when it comes to interpersonal relations that do not include an obnoxious filter or hashtags. She is someone I am paid to tolerate at work, cause that’s what your salary is really for, right? However, when I saw her strutting into the office with her beige cardigan, headphones in (a Taylor Swift song, no doubt), and a pink Stanley cup, it forced me to queef out my thoughts on the matter.
None of this is new. People would go crazy over Beanie Babies. We all had an electronic pet named Tamagotchi that’s still centuries away from being fully decomposed in a landfill. Owning a collectible – even a useless, hyped-up item - makes you feel connected to other consumers. However, the constant attempt to keep up is surely more costly than the 40 bucks Stanley charges for their cup. Since now everyone has one, what’s next? The echo chambers and fading trends appear and vanish in faster and faster cycles each month. When Hailey Bieber went viral for ‘brownie glazed lips’ in the morning, and by afternoon, the new thing was to have a #barbiecore aesthetic, were we expected to be ahead of the game by creating something else for a 5-minute viral moment in the evening?
None of this is new. People would go crazy over Beanie Babies. We all had an electronic pet named Tamagotchi that’s still centuries away from being fully decomposed in a landfill. Owning a collectible – even a useless, hyped-up item - makes you feel connected to other consumers. However, the constant attempt to keep up is surely more costly than the 40 bucks Stanley charges for their cup. Since now everyone has one, what’s next? The echo chambers and fading trends appear and vanish in faster and faster cycles each month. When Hailey Bieber went viral for ‘brownie glazed lips’ in the morning, and by afternoon, the new thing was to have a #barbiecore aesthetic, were we expected to be ahead of the game by creating something else for a 5-minute viral moment in the evening?
In these modern times, when basic needs are met lavishly for most of us, we can oftentimes look at others and see what we lack. No one ever thinks, “Okay, I’m good now.” That is not how we evolved, and striving to be better and more admired and more respected is what got us to this point of excessive overconsumption in the first place. I believe in healthy competition, but if we go the route of playing endless catch-up to be part of the tribe, we will find ourselves in a void of feeling "less than" and unfulfilled.
I would encourage everyone to disconnect from the ‘Are you worthy?’ rat race that is social media and find your tribe, and a real connection, with other humans on a topic that is fulfilling to you. If they’re able to put their phones down, of course. Try a cooking class or pick up pole dancing! It’s going to feel good, I promise. And you are not obligated to post about it. How cool is that? And if you were not able to snag a pink Stanley, do not worry. No one will know by tomorrow. Maybe just pick up a guest writing spot on a blog that you love dearly!
Photo Credits: TikTok, Getty Images
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