OPEN POST: Jason Kelce's Super Bowl Ring Went Missing in a Pool of Skyline Chili

By

In news that somehow tracks, Jason Kelce - seen above looking like a slightly evolved King Kong whose winter coat has begun to shed - says he lost his Super Bowl LII ring in a pool of Skyline Chili. 

Taylor Swift's boyfriend's brother, as most people know him and his biggest claim to fame, lost the ring during The Great Lombardy Games at the University of Cincinnati. I'm not sure, but I guess it's where a bunch of dudes writhe around in a big ass pool of greasy, slippery chili to, uh, "compete" with one another for a chance to win....uh, I don't know what, actually....the possibility of coming ass to face with another man in front of lots of excited people in a strictly hetero, non-homoerotic kind of way? It's all very straight and macho, guys, there's no undercurrent of sexual tension here WHATSOEVER! Just super alpha manly bro stuff, okay?!

Anyhor, Kelce says the ring remains missing, and that it's likely "now in a landfill someplace in the Cincinnati tri-state area." No word on whether or not he plans to frolic atop a mountain of hot garbage with his bros in an attempt to, uh...what were we doing again? Oh yeah, locating the ring...yeah, that's it!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

OPEN POST: Baby I'm A Star with Moo Deng!

By
Image
  Moo Deng, the adorable pygmy hippo, was born on July 10, 2024, at Khao Kheow Open Zoo in Thailand. Since birth, she has become a beloved figure and a proper internet sensation. Her charming antics and playful personality have inspired countless fan stories and memes, showcasing the joy she brings to her followers. I fought against her charms until I couldn't take it anymore, and she made me watch Live Cam for 20 minutes in a cute trance. Who better to be the theme music for A Little Princess? How about A Little Prince. *snort*
Read more

OPEN POST: Would you try Nicholas Sparks' Splenda Chicken Salad?

By
Image
  The New York Times recently did a real estate highlight of author Nicholas Sparks' Northa Carolina home, but the real star of the piece was his deranged chicken salad recipe. While reporter Addie Morfoot was completing the tour of his home, Sparks mentioned that he had spent the morning whipping up a chicken salad. He offered her his recipe, which consists of two rotisserie chickens, a few stalks of celery, a vidalia onion, and a dressing made from mayonnaise, dill pickle relish, jalapeño relish, apple cider vinegar, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, and 16 packets of Splenda. SIXTEEN! Sparks said you could use real sugar, but why throw real sugar in when you could use Splenda? Now look. I like a chicken salad with sweet elements in it like apples, grapes, and a splash of honey. But that much Splenda?! Diabolical. Would you try this recipe, Peckers? Source: The New York Times
Read more