Let's Try This Again: Who is November's Shitbag of the Month?
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Welcome Peckers to our penultimate Shitbag poll of 2024! Let's get right into November's cuntenders....
First up is Conor McGregor. The pint-sized UFC fighter lost a civil court case brought against him by Nicola Hand, a hair colourist who claims McGregor sexually assaulted her in 2018 at a hotel. She was taken to a hospital by ambulance the next morning where an EMT testified that he had "never seen someone so bruised." Hand claimed that McGregor had put her in a chokehold prior to the sexual assault, and she was so affected by the incident that she has been unable to work and sustain her relationship with her former partner. McGregor claims Hand was partying too hard and "swan dived" into the hotel's bath, which was the cause of her injuries. Regardless, a jury deemed McGregor guilty of the assault and has awarded Nicola 248,000 euros in damages.
Next up is Gregg Wallace. The former MasterChef UK presenter stepped down from the show this month amid several allegations of inappropriate sexual behaviour and comments. One anonymous woman alleges he touched her inappropriately on set of Eat Well For Less back in 2015, then he laughed and said, "ooooh you liked that, didn't you?" The woman says she felt uncomfortable escalating the issue. Another woman claims Wallace exposed himself to her while she was fixing his bowtie at an after-work event in 2015. All together, the BBC has uncovered allegations from 13 different women spanning over many years. Wallace, in classic "I'm a piece of shit" form, claims that the allegations came from "a handful of middle-class women of a certain age." He has since apologized for this inflammatory comment and has said he needs to take some time out while the investigation is underway. This year's MasterChef Celebrity Christmas Special that was hosted by Wallace has been pulled in light of this scandal.
Third on the docket is Apple Martin. The nepo spawn of Goopy Paltrow and Chris Martin caught some flak this month after a clip of her "mean girl" behaviour at a debutante ball in Paris made the rounds. In the clip, fellow ball attendee Loppin de Montmort was posing for photographs when Apple cut right in front of her and began posing. Many people viewed it as snotty, while others defended Martin and denied any claims that she is a mean girl. This is hardly as reproachable as sexually assaulting anyone, so I think we can let Apple roll this time.
Fourth is Kirk Cameron. DJ Tanner's brother announced that he is partially crowdfunding a kids' TV Show called The Adventures of Iggy and Mr. Kirk. He'll be teaching kids about the bible alongside an iguana instead of "gay dinosaurs and trans ducks." Uh, okay. He wants over a million dollars to support this mess and plans to broadcast it on youtube. Good luck with that, Kirk. Even if you surround yourself with puppets they still won't be showing up to your birthday party.
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Our last Shitbag is Ivanka Trump. While her father prepares for his return to the White House in 2025, Ivanka is making sure we know she's just a fun-loving casual gorl who would rather surf on a wave simulator while on family vacation than worry about silly politics! While Ivanka and her lizard husband played significant roles in Trump's previous tenure as President, it seems they may be taking a backseat during this go-around. Ivanka just wants to live it up with her bestie Kim K these days while the United States spirals ever-faster in the wake of her family's shitbaggery.
Sources: BBC, Cinemablend, The Cut
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