EVENING NIGHTCAP: Ellen's Shameless Infomercial. Chris Pratt Flops.

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► The angry Keebler Elf (Govt Name: Ellen DeGeneres, 68) is promoting her "Kind Science" skincare line via the informercial route. Yea, a shameless cash grab for someone with a reported net worth of $500 million. The name is kinda stupid. Kind Science? As to what...Unkind Science? Anyhoo, the line was co-created  in 2021 with Victoria Jackson (the skin care guru and not the ex-SNL MAGA nutjob). When she still had her talk show, Ellen wasn't shy about plugging it to the audience. When she got cancelled for being an angry, mean elf with a Napoléon complex, the product became an elf on the shelf. The new infomercial features Ellen asking people to "come up, buy it" while looking like she lost a fight in a laundromat dryer full of random socks.  Read More

Ellen DeGeneres in new informercial for Kind Science. Photo: Kind Science / MSN.com

Comment: Ellen is the last person who should be selling skincare products. She looks like she sleeps inside a food dehydrator. A lizard basking on a rock in the Sahara desert looks more refreshed than she does. Taking skincare advice from Ellen is like taking investment tips from Bernie Madoff. She couldn't even be bothered to drag a brush across her hair. Cindy Crawford and her tacky melon skincare line have nothing to worry about. 


► Quasi actor and full time egomaniac, Chris Pratt (46), is lamenting that his new movie, "Mercy" is a commercial flop. Critics are lifting their legs and pissing all over this mess.  Hollywood has been trying to turn Pratt into a leading man. A dude who looks like a grapefruit with googly eyes with charisma of a car wash.  Let's hope the the movie industry is finally getting a clue that outside of Jurassic Park and Guardians of the Galaxy franchises (which featured ensemble cast.. and yes, I count dinosaurs as ensemble cast), he can't carry a project on his own. Sources close to Pratt say he's all boo-hoo and lamenting that  no one wants to see him. The movie managed to scrape $1 million in preview screenings and about $11 million it's opening weekend. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 20% rating. Metacritic gave it 34/100.  Hollywood needs to stop making "Chris" happen.  Read More

Comment: Ha, ha, ha!  It's just a matter of time until we see him in Hallmark or Lifetime movies. BTW, his face below: constipated face? Or his "O" face? You decide. 

Chris Pratt in a publicity still for "Mercy". Photo: Amazon MGM Studios / Collider/com



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