Peckerwood Manor

Welcome to today's edition of "Thirsty Or Not Thirsty," in which we judge the relative thirstiness - or not - of various celebutarts. First up, everyone's favorite memaw chef, gardener and wacky weed enthusiast, Martha Stewart, who just posted the picture above for her adoring fans on her Instagram page. Note her carefully mussed-up  wig hair and her (relatively) perky titty-balls.  This is Hard-Core Thirsty (for those who are blind), made even more so by her moist, parted lips, also known as her Polish soup coolers if she's serving sauerkraut borscht, as every proper Polish trollop is wont to do. Blow, Martha, blow. I'm willing to hear about why this picture is not thirsty, but honestly, it's pretty damn unquenchable, and I'll be frank, I admire her game. Martha is 83 and doing what Madonna should be doing at 65, but then peek-a-boo knockers is too subtle for Vadge, who these days is more interested in showing-off her Inflate-A-Ho keister. But I digr...

The Queen is the most famous figure in our national life and arguably in international life, too; her face is among the most reproduced images in history. This is probably the best book ever written about QEII, but honestly, it's only for the completists. It's gigantic - I got the updated version from 2022 - and there's so much minutiae and so many effin' personages involved that it would probably confuse most people. I genuinely enjoyed it but I have a thing for history.  "As of this writing, there is just one significant royal record which is not QEII's. That is due to change. In May 2024, she will have overtaken both King Bhumibol of Thailand and France's boy king, Louis XIV, to become history's longest reigning sovereign. Yet, as explained in this book, she has no interest in fame. And so after years of familiarity, we are still left asking the question: 'What is she really like?' It is the great paradox of Elizabeth the II, and it has serve...