The following epitaph is by our very own Darkside.  The butterflies of the world are all lying in state today. The legendary Dolly Parton, singer, actress, songwriter, activist, philanthropist, business owner, and general ray of glittery gold sunshine in a sometimes truly bleak and tragic world, has passed away at the age of 80. While news of her passing isn't a total surprise (her husband passed away about 18 months ago and she had been canceling and postponing multiple events for undisclosed “health reasons” recently,) that doesn't make the loss any less shocking...or less painful. Dolly Rebecca Parton was born January 19, 1946 in a one room cabin in Pittman Center, Tennessee, the fourth of twelve children. Parton channeled the struggle of her family's poverty into music, singing in church at six and playing a homemade guitar at seven. Upon graduating from Sevier County High School in 1964, she moved to Nashville the next day to make it as a musician. Despite recording he...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Darkside! Pour out a glass of Herb Ertlinger's Fruit Wine . The entire world is still shuddering with the shock at the news that actress, comedienne, and Canadian icon Catherine O'Hara has left us at the age of 71. Born in Toronto in 1954, she began her career after college by joining the acclaimed Second City comedy troupe, where she honed her skills into becoming one of the funniest comic actors in recent history. Eventually, she and a small group of colleagues banded together to create "SCTV" ("Second City Television"), one of the most acclaimed and influential comedy shows in the history of TV. Perhaps inevitably, "Saturday Night Live" came calling in 1981, but O'Hara declined the invitation. Long-standing rumor states it was because she was scared off by writer Michael O'Donoghue s...

  Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Darkside! § It's happening! Pull out the  Kleenex, fire up the Adele and defrost that 64 ounce tub of Haagen-Dazs you've been keeping special, because the  "True Love Is Dead" monument just received another brick in the mausoleum wall. Jennifer Lopez-Noa-Judd-(Almost Affleck)-Anthony-(Almost Rodriguez)-(Finally Affleck) and her husband, Ben Affleck-Damon-Garner-Lopez (nee Dunkin Donuts Coffee, his real true love) announced that after a little over two years, they've decided their marriage just won't hunt and are taking it to Kristi Noem's gravel pit for a shotgun blast to the head. It's the second divorce for him and her fourth. Two more gems and her Divorce-a-Me Gauntlet will be complete! And, yes, Jennifer went there first, filing her legal documents and suchlike today. Allegedly there's no prenup,...