Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are so dry, they're asses are chapped, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, brace yourselves, because whatever you want to call her - "Incest Barbie" leaps to mind, but I also like "Her Irredeemable Awfulness," "The I.C.E. Princess" and "Daddy's Little Ghoul" - Ivanka Trump is determined to win back her life of cocktail parties, darling Instagram Mommy Moments, and lying through her capped teefs for fun and profit. "Perception is more important than reality," she once cooed. No word on whether she "teehee'd" after she said that, but I bet she did. So while she was all in for Daddy's ruination of America during his presidency - again, for fun and profit (teehee) - she'd like you to forget all about that now. No, really. Never happened. She's harmless. Don't you worry,

This is a tale of moxie, a tale of bravery, a tale of all-out chutzpah from everyone's favorite Jewish convert - since Tia Tequila and Jenna Jameson, at least. This is the tale of Ivanka Trump. Why "brave," you ask? Because what's the ultimate nepo baby to do when not a single person wants to be in their company?  No, really. No one.  Since she's no longer advising world leaders at the G20 Summit  or focusing on the economic empowerment of women as daddy's specialist-ever "special advisor," Ivanka has had to completely re-architect her life! This is plainly audacious on her part, and make no mistake, architecting your life is hard.  Ever since daddy got elected, then lost his re-election, Ivanka has faced grueling hardships. Her fashion and accessories line went belly up; former social and cultural besties, like Anna Wintour and Blake Lively, no longer invited her to their exclusive soirees and events; while NYC friends since childhood, such as Lysan