Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a crumbling wine cork between an overflowing Dumpster and a leased Chevy Trax behind an off-ramp 7-11, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, we have perpetual thirsty gal, Gwyneth Paltrow , who's an expert at gaining attention, what with her vagina-scented candles (did she ever say whose vagina it smelled like? Was it  Oprah's vagina? Justin Timberlake's ?  That Damn Judi Dench's ?). Then there's her instructions on how to yawn properly (yes, she insists, you're doing it wrong; I'm assuming it's all about opening wide-wide-wide, like giving a blowie to The Hammaconda ); how to speak kind words to water before drinking it (to encourage it's "good molecular structure") (huh?); and how to pump oxygen with a catheter up your b-hole, followed by a deep, spiritually-uplifting coffee enema (the latte...

When it rains it pours. Where there's smoke there's fire. Pick your cliche. But six more alleged victims - and perhaps more - have stepped forward, all of them making the exact same claims made just one week ago by the dancers who sued Lizzo for sexual harassment, fat shaming and creating a hostile work environment.  Also just one week ago? Stars as varied as Li'l Nas X, Jamie Lynn Spears, Kelly Osborne, Jennifer Garner, Jameela Jamil and drag performer Kahanna Montrese expressed their unwavering support for Lizzo, the latter exclaiming on Twitter, "Lizzo created one of the most uplifting shows I've ever been a part of. Please don't let this define you, Lizzo!" But has it already? Will it be so easy to forget the charge that Lizzo purportedly ordered her dancers to eat a banana protruding from a stripper's vagina? Or reportedly forbad the dancers from taking bathroom breaks during a torturous, hours-long "re-audition?" And will it be so easy ...