WHO’S THIS WEEKS THIRSTIEST HO? Is it Tori Spelling? Ben Affleck? Or Martha Stewart’s Panties?
Welcome, sloots, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are particularly embalmed and in need of moisture. First, we have Tori Spelling, so go ahead, cue the "Tori" gags, i.e. "SupposiTORI" and "Sob sTori" and "Barely AmbulaTORI," etc. Now that we've got that out of the way, brace yourselves, because the press are once more delivering urgent missives (fed to them by Tori). And, yes, I eagerly read them all, 'cause she's the low-hanging, Tupperware-tittied Dumpster fire I've long adored and I shan't apologize for it. This never-ending slop-tart saga seemed to reach a nadir when Tori packed up her chirruns and left sleazy, money-grubbing Deaner. But lo, Tori's opus continued to offer delirious twists and turns. This included an extended stay with her crotch-droppings at a mangy RV park, then at several dilapidated, $100-a-week roadside hotels. And this was after tox