Today Is National Square Dance Day! Or What Dances Did You Have To Do In Elementary School?
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Fuck Square Dancing. You heard me. I hated having to do it in elementary school, at parties, and now every time I'm near it I hear banjos and see inbred pig-people raw dogging in the back of a Ford Bigfoot Cruiser in the parking lot of a Pick n' Save. Yet there I was in 3rd grade in Mrs. Felton's class, having to do the dance in the gym with Mrs. Brown's class - and it was supposed to be fun! Pul-lease. Never mind that who I really wanted to dance with Gordy, the 3rd grader who'd just moved to town from Canada (he had a slight gap between his two front teeth which I thought was dreamy), and no, I wasn't "out," I just instinctively knew what I wanted. But I digress. Today is National Square Dance Day, which got me to thinking of all the awful elementary school dances I had to do in gym class and also at special event "gatherings." Like The Conga Line, which was always messed up because the boy or girl behind you was always a klutz and steppin