WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HO? Is It Ivanka Trump? Or Dylan Dreyer? Or Ricky Martin's 1960s-Era Speedos?
Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are so dry, they're asses are chapped, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, brace yourselves, because whatever you want to call her - "Incest Barbie" leaps to mind, but I also like "Her Irredeemable Awfulness," "The I.C.E. Princess" and "Daddy's Little Ghoul" - Ivanka Trump is determined to win back her life of cocktail parties, darling Instagram Mommy Moments, and lying through her capped teefs for fun and profit. "Perception is more important than reality," she once cooed. No word on whether she "teehee'd" after she said that, but I bet she did. So while she was all in for Daddy's ruination of America during his presidency - again, for fun and profit (teehee) - she'd like you to forget all about that now. No, really. Never happened. She's harmless. Don't you worry,