OPEN POST: Look Out! It's Darcy The Deadly Duck!
Alert to All Residents of Peckerwood Manor: Darcy the Deadly Duck is at it again, laying explosive eggs capable of stinking up any boudoir - and, yes, they smell even worse than Brad Pitt's unwashed taint (Brad, as you know, was banned from the Manor some time ago for refusing to take even a whore's bath). Please contact Mr. Tristan Spratt, your helpful major duomo, should you spot either Darcy or Brad, as Mr. Spratt is a good shot and ready with his tranquilizer gun.