Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a crumbling wine cork between an overflowing Dumpster and a leased Chevy Trax behind an off-ramp 7-11, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, we have perpetual thirsty gal, Gwyneth Paltrow , who's an expert at gaining attention, what with her vagina-scented candles (did she ever say whose vagina it smelled like? Was it  Oprah's vagina? Justin Timberlake's ?  That Damn Judi Dench's ?). Then there's her instructions on how to yawn properly (yes, she insists, you're doing it wrong; I'm assuming it's all about opening wide-wide-wide, like giving a blowie to The Hammaconda ); how to speak kind words to water before drinking it (to encourage it's "good molecular structure") (huh?); and how to pump oxygen with a catheter up your b-hole, followed by a deep, spiritually-uplifting coffee enema (the latte

Gwen's Choice

Congratulations to the winners of yesterday's Caption This contest!

Marcella Detroit - American singer-songwriter and guitarist - 72 Natalie Alyn Lind - American actress - 24 Rebecca Black - American singer-songwriter - 27 Kris Allen - American singer-songwriter - 39 Lana Del Rey - American singer and songwriter - 39 Michelle Wolf - American comedian, writer, producer and tv host - 39 Jujubee - American drag queen, reality tv personality and recording artist - 40 Michael Malarkey - British-American actor and musician - 41 Prince William - British, heir apparent to the British throne - 42 Benjamin Walker - American actor and stand-up comedian - 42 Brandon Flowers - American musician, member of The Killers - 43 Chris Pratt - American actor - 45 Erica Durance - Canadian actress - 46 Maggie Siff - American actress - 50 Juliette Lewis - American actress and musician - 51 Sonique - British singer, musician and DJ - 56 Carrie Preston - American actress - 57 Lana Wachowski - American director, writer and producer - 59 Doug Savant - American actor - 60 Da

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Raincoaster! Enjoy.  § The "Red Market," it’s called. Like many of the darker places on the internet, it’s not really somewhere you want to end up. Not that you have much say about it by the time you get there: you’ll be dead. Yo u’ll be...inventory.  For the Red Market, you see, is the online marketplace in human remains. For art . For morbid philosophizing. For collecting. But also for birthday gifts . For decor. But most of all, for profit . This is the story of that marketplace, as told in the book These Were People Once: The Online Trade in Human Remains, and Why It Matters from Berghahn Books. "These were people, once. Now, disarticulated, robbed from their resting place, the remains were relegated to anonymous things, fragments, stripped of their humanity." Huffer and Graham, These Were People Once Damien Huffe

 

Congratulations to the winners of yesterday's Caption This contest!

Lionel Richie - American singer-songwriter, record producer and tv personality - 75 Serayah - American actress, model and singer - 29 Sage The Gemini - American rapper, singer-songwriter and record producer - 32 Christopher Mintz-Plasse - American actor - 35 Dreama Walker - American actress - 38 Grace Potter - American singer-songwriter and musician - 41 Alisan Porter - American singer, actress and dancer - 43 Tika Sumpter - American actress and producer - 44 Frank Lampard - English professional soccer manager and former player - 46 Josh Lucas - American actor - 53 Twiggy Ramirez - American musician - 53 Peter Paige - American actor, director and screenwriter - 55 Robert Rodriguez - American filmmaker, composer and visual effects supervisor - 56 Nicole Kidman - Australian and American actress and producer - 57 John Taylor - British musician, one of the founding members of Duran Duran - 64 Michael Anthony - American musician - 70 John Goodman - American actor - 72 Tina Sinatra -

   ►One of the funniest comedies of the 1980's had to be "Spaceballs".  It came out in 1987 and it was a spoof of Star Wars. The movie starred John Candy, Daphne Zuniga, Bill Pullman, Rick Moranis, and Mel Brooks (Mel also directed it).  What I liked about it was the deadpan humor and the hilarious reinterpretation of Star Wars. Well, say goodbye to your fond memories of this beloved movie as it was announced today the greedy mofos at Amazon MGM Studios are making a sequel/reboot/rehash.  It will star Josh Gad and will be directed by Josh Greenbaum (who directed "Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar").  Mel Brooks (who's 97) will be serving as producer/consultant. Ugh, just leave this gem of a movie alone.  Read More L to R:  Josh Gad, Mel Brooks, and Josh Greenbaum. Photo: Crawford Shippey/Getty Images/Deadline.com Comment:  The original Space Balls had so many funny lines and memorable moments. My favorite character was John Candy who portrayed "Barf&q

It's over thirty years old - can you believe? - but "Victor/Victoria," the classic musical farce by writer/director Blake Edwards, loosely based on a German comedy from the 1930s, may still be the most radical Hollywood movie to prominently feature gay characters. It's even more daring and more progressive, I'd argue, than the likes of "Brokeback Mountain" or "Call Me By Your Name." And it does it all with, as they say, a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. Some stunt! Consider the feat, a movie in which Julie Andrews, a straight woman pretending to be a gay man pretending to be a woman, attracts James Garner, a straight tough-guy who's flummoxed, then approving, when Alex Karass, his tough-guy cohort, comes out of the closet and becomes lovers with Robert Preston, a gay cabaret performer who is himself pretending to be Andrews' gay lover. And that's just the tip of the iceberg in scenario wherein not a si

Congratulations to the winners of yesterday's Caption This contest!

Paula Abdul - American singer, dancer, choreographer and media personality - 62 Atticus Shaffer - American actor - 26 Kaitlyn Bristowe - Canadian tv personality - 39 Paul Dano - American actor - 40 Helen George - English actress - 40 Macklemore - American rapper - 41 Aidan Turner - Irish actor - 41 Zoe Saldana - American actress - 46 Mia Maestro - Argentinian actress and singer - 46 Rebecca Loos - Dutch media personality - 47 Ryan Hurst - American actor - 48 Hugh Dancy - English actor - 49 Geoff Ramsey - American voice actor, film producer and internet personality - 49 Robin Tunney - American actress - 52 Brian Welch - American musician, guitarist of Korn - 54 Lara Spencer - American tv journalist - 55 Mia Sara - American actress - 57 Sadie Frost - English actress, producer and fashion designer - 59 Kathleen Turner - American actress - 70 Ann Wilson - American singer-songwriter, member of Heart - 74 Phylicia Rashad - American actress - 76 Salman Rushdie - Indian-born Briti

  ► I can only think of one celeb who's having a worse year than JLo and it's Justin Timberlake.  Justin's new album was a flop and his tour is about as welcomed as a cold sore (he's cancelled some tour dates). He can add getting arrested to his woes.  Justin was arrested in NYC for DWI today.  He was leaving a restaurant in the wee hours of the morning to go over to a friend's house when he was pulled over in Sag Harbor. Cops blared their sirens and threw his Ramen noodle ass in a squad car for driving while under the influence. Justin didn't want to take a breathalyzer test.  I'm disappointed in Justin's mug shot. I was expecting him to pull a sexy back "blue steel" like Dean from Supernatural. Instead he looks like a drunk uncle who crashed his kid's prom. Whoa, seriously bad bloodshot eyes.  Read More Justin Timberlake 2024 mug shot. Photo: Sag Harbor Police Dept / Deadline.com   Comment: Cry me a river you dumb ass. First of, why in t

Here's Paul Mescal at the Gucci show during Men's Fashion Week in Milan. I like me some Mescal but his outfits are always too silly for my tastes. GREAT legs, though! Call me! Source: Getty

Richard Dreyfuss, with 69% of your votes! John Legend came in second at 14%, followed by Kathy Hilton (9%), the unnamed red carpet usher at Cannes (6%), and Kelly Rowland with 2%. Thanks for voting, and we'll see you for another roundup next month! Source: Getty

Congratulations to the winners of yesterday's Caption This contest!