FASHION ALERT: Today In "Kinky" New Outwear For Men!

What will adorable straight men wear next? Personally, I never would have guessed keys. From the 1950s through the 70's, when gheys wore keys as outerwear, it signified sexy times, or rather, if you wore them on the right side, it meant you were passive, on the left, dominant (or maybe it was the other way around?) (there were a lot of rules back then and I honestly don't know how anyone kept track). 

But in an amusing twist, The Wall Street Journal, of all places, is reporting that the "hot new trend" for straight men (pictured above) is to wear keys hanging from belt loops, even going so far as to call it, "Kind of kinky! Swashbuckling! A peacocking statement!" I'm not joking. They may as well just scream, "It means you have a taco hammer!"

Never mind that bikers, as wells as plumbers and other laborers, have been "peacocking" with outerwear keys forever, even before the gheys, but The Wall Street Journal credits this modern key resurgence to the band Green Day, who wore them in the early 2000s. Say what?

I am very tempted to call this new key lewk the Axe Body Spray of fashion, or something akin to the chucklesome "Metrosexual" (or a straight guy who combs his hair and changes his t-shirt twice in one week). It's also a sign of our times. How can you be non-binary and such if you're wearings keys, gawddammit?! You iz a man who likes pousay! And so I give you an appropriate song from 1987. Let's all sing along, shall we?

Photo Credits: Getty Images; Nikk Tavo, Wikipedia