Jessel Taank, Hurl Girl Extraordinaire

Some Housewife I Guess

Real Housewhore Jessel Taank, seen here wearing skankily repurposed Hammer pants, reportedly threw up numerous times at the Real Housewives of New Hork York City premiere party Wednesday. Seen vomiting "all over" the aptly named Rainbow Room, witnesses say, "She did it right on the carpet," adding she puked "another time" too.

"She looked very pale and wasn't smiling or interacting with a lot of people" is what most people would say about me at any given moment on any given day, but apparently for Jessel that was unusual and the first sign that something was amiss. Sources say after she first became ill, she left the red carpet then promptly got sick right after Andy Cohen began his welcoming remarks. Funny, I, too, often feel like throwing up when I hear that shifty bitch speak. But I digress. Two other sources claim she went to a private bathroom where she then puked in the sink, sending a jealous Jennifer Lawrence into a tailspin, probably. 

Jessel was eventually escorted out of the area, but unfortunately for her and everyone nearby she didn't make it to the exit before puking yet AGAIN. Damn, bitch, where are your purse crackers?! Witnesses said, "She stopped and puked at the top of the stairs. It seemed to be just liquid and was absorbed into the carpet pretty quickly." Bravo then apparently had to redirect attendees around the stained area, which I assume meant the entire event and back into their cars considering what a shitstain the RH franchise is itself. Multiple sources claim there was "no alcohol" involved in her illness and that Jessel was "genuinely sick." Feel free to leave your Sure Jan gifs and Ozempic speculations in the comments below!