The Gheys And Homophobes Don't Like That Tom Holland's Being All Ghey!

"Why don't you just try acting?" quipped Laurence Oliver, when Dustin Hoffman stayed up all night to play a sleep-deprived character in "Marathon Man." And here we are again, but with a modern twist! In "The Crowded Room," Tom Holland's fairly dullsville Apple TV series, The Gheys and The Homophobes are all up in arms, since Tom's character gets a hot daddy dicking from a hot daddy, or so it seems. 

Honestly, like Tom doesn't have enough problems. Everyone needs to calm the fuque down. It's not like he pulled a Dustin Hoffman and got booty-banged for real, but this hasn't stopped the 'phobes from rabidly chiming in on Twatter with #notmyspiderman.

For their part, a strain of Righteous Gheys™ are angry that one of their own isn't playing the role (because only gays know how to get their ass jacked, dont'cha know). I'm on the fence about this issue. In a perfect world, it would nice if there were out gay stars who could play gay once in a while, because Lord knows they've been playing straight for years: 

On the other hand, acting is acting. An orgasm is an orgasm. Everyone has them! On the other hand - I have a third! - some actors, like Scarlett Johansson, should never be able to play anything except what they truly are.