How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
If you're looking for a good way to get through the worst timeline in the history of timelines, just do what Joan does! Simply cover your ears and you won't hear a thing! * bliss *
Today's OP is a SQ for all you HO HO HOs : Which Christmas movie character are you inviting to your Christmas party? For me, it's definitely Frosty the Snowman. One of the hardest things about hosting a party is getting everyone to GTFOH when it's over. But with Frosty, room temperature does the job for you! Macabre? Yes, but nothing a few decorative holiday hand towels can't handle 💅 Who's coming to your Christmas party, hors?
Greetings music sloots, and welcome to another edition of Manor Music Monday! As we near the winter holidays, I think back to the year we've all had - and how we all need a break from the madness. For me, vocal jazz always does the trick. So what do we need tonight? We need DJ Li'l Scratch, who'll be cranking tunes at the Manor's own "Moist Muffin Lounge and Dinette." What will he be playing? A gal you may not have heard of, and I bet'cha you'll take her for granted once you listen to her - or at least the first time around. Some things sneak up on you. Confused? I'll explain. When I first played Pam Garner's 1960 LP, "Pam Sings Ballads For Broken Hearts," I was contemplating the herculean effort it might take to rearrange and scrub my work station (contemplation is such hard work!). The LP ended and I thought, "Meh, Pam's okay." My desk remained a mess. But a day later, while preparing chicken breasts and realizing that...
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