How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Movie goers were in for quite a spicy show this week, after a man unleashed pepper spray inside a Burbank, CA theatre. About 40 minutes into a screening of The Uprising , a man turned around and pepper sprayed a man a few rows behind him. According to witnesses, a man had been asked to turn off his cell phone and he declined. Minutes later, the pepper trator filled the room with stinging spray. Several people were injured in the event and a 34-year old man was arrested for misdemeanour battery charges. What do you think of this story, Peckers? On one hand I certainly understand the frustration at people's increasing use of their phones during movies. But pepper spray seems a little extreme! Source: reddit, SFGate
Mitch is dead or barely breathing, take your pick. But how much damage has he done to American democracy? Quite a bit, actually, and the list keeps growing. In fact, I'd argue that Mitch at his worst - Citizens United, anyone? - has destroyed more tenants of democracy than Trump, specifically with regard to the Supreme Court . I want Democrats to win in the midterms and the next general. But the rebuilding of what we once knew as a functioning government "for the people" will take more than winning elections - and things are liable to get very messy along the way. Once Mitch is gone, once Trump is gone, we're still be back at square one, despite a few hopeful signs. Hold tight.
The other day I saw this '58 Impala (which looks a heck of a lot like a '58 DelRay), and I just had to take a pic. In 1958 lots of important cinematic stuff happened: Bridge On The River Kwai won Best Picture at the Academy Awards and South Pacific was a massive hit in the theaters (I'd assumed Auntie Mame was the top-grosser of the year, but South Pacific made nearly twice as much, despite the odd color-tinting in certain big scenes). And Danny and the Juniors had the #1 song of the year with "At The Hop" So why don't I pick you and the rest of the gang up around 6:30 in my brand-spanking new Impala and drive us to the hop? I promise I won't feel you up (I'm what's known as a confirmed bachelor) but we can laugh and chat and gossip about those dizzy celebrities (like that tramp Lana Turner) and have a good 'ol time--after all, it's Open Post, darlings!
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