How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Jenny From The Block™ recently filmed a segment for SubwayTakes with Kareem Rahma, and shared her personal take that you have to be from the five boroughs in order to claim official New Yorker status. Rahma pressed the popstar further by asking if you can claim New Yorker status after living there for 50 years, but JLo stuck to her guns and said no! She is a New Yorker purist and no imports are permitted, no matter how long they've lived in the Big Apple. Just don't try out her bodega order , lest you be met with a blank stare. Source: SubwayTakes on Instagram
Greetings, bed-hoppers, and welcome to another edition of Manor Music Monday - today in a laidback, after-bang mode, if'n you know what I mean. And I know you do. For such times, when blasting 80s hair metal just won't do, you need the stylings of a lass whose singing is both skilled and chill like a lotus. Intrigued? Be sure to come to the Manor's "Crossing Swords" lounge at around 4am (or before closing at sunrise). That 's when DJ Li'l Scratch will be playing tunes performed by a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a sphinx. Yes, it's another Mystery Lady™. Or yet another jazz songbird who recorded only one LP, then - poof! - vanished into oblivion. Unsurprising, since her LP dropped in the late-1950s during the inexorable rise of rock 'n' roll, which decimated the jazz songbird market. In the case of Easy Williams - what a name! - it's a shame, because her slinky-gal vocals are smooth, intimate and a lot of fun - and well suited to...
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