How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Ryan Murphy's Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story debuted this past week and has made quite the splash with viewers. But just in case you've not gotten enough Menendez madness, Netflix is also releasing a documentary on the case that will be released Oct. 7th. The doc features interviews with the brothers from prison, where they share their side of the story and comment on the shifting public perception of their case. Will you be tuning in, Peckers? Credit: Sygma via Getty Images
In 1990, Rita Crundwell assumed the role of comptroller in Dixon, Illinois. After serving for seven years, she clandestinely established the Reserve Sewer Capital Development Account (RSCDA) and utilized it to siphon off nearly $2.5 million annually from the city. By 2008, she had illicitly obtained a staggering $5.8 million, a substantial portion of Dixon's modest annual budget, which ranged between $8-9 million. Over 22 years, Crundwell embezzled upwards of $53 million and lavishly funded her lifestyle. She established and operated RC Quarter Horses, a renowned horse breeding enterprise, with her horses achieving an impressive 52 world championships. Additionally, she acquired a 45-foot motorhome and indulged in extended vacations. Crundwell deceitfully attributed the city's financial shortfall to the state's delayed tax payments, resulting in severe cutbacks in essential services across Dixon. Basically, the psychopath endangered people's lives so she could cha cha c
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