How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Can you hear this painting like I can? Hone in on a conversation; what are they discussing? There's music playing; what does it sound like? There's an aroma in the air; what does it smell like? Who is your favorite guest? What's their name? What are they wearing? The little girl at the top of the stairs - what does she think of it all? Who are her parents? How long has she been there? Why is she there? How long until she's discovered and sent back to bed? Decades have passed; does she remember this night still? BTW, looking for Peckerwood's Weekly Lunocracy Post? It's RIGHT HERE .
Here we are: the shortest day of the year, the longest night. Nature is slowly but surely continuing its cycle of rebirth and we will see brighter days ahead. It's the perfect time to reflect on the past year and consider what kind of light you'd like to bring into your life. A time of hope and renewal. I wish you all a happy Solstice! Source: Flux Image BTW, looking for Peckerwood's Weekly Lunocracy Post? It's RIGHT HERE .
Are you off work yet? Are you ready to throw a swingin' party? That means making party music mixes, right? And, yes, you must throw in a WTF song in the middle of the mix just to mess with everyone. For example, say you're throwing a New Years Eve party with a bunch of cooler-than-cool jazz or house music tracks; in the middle if it, throw in this song . I guarantee everyone will squeal with delight. In fact, throwing that song into any mix is always a good move. Want more ideas for WTF songs to drop into your mixes? DJ Li'l Scratch has got you covered. But first, let's pause for a moment. This is important. Why? Because this is the definition of beauty: The face: like a pale, English Cream Custard (which is just a bit overcooked). The jewelry: made from the finest diamonelles money can buy. The eyes: with their exquisite baby tarantula eyelashes (the eye shadow is their after-birth). I'm overcome, I can barely breathe. And, no, this is not RichBitch. She is, of c...
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