NEPO WATCH! Shunned By The NYC Elite, Ivanka Has "Hit The Jackpot," Finding New Besties At Last!

This is a tale of moxie, a tale of bravery, a tale of all-out chutzpah from everyone's favorite Jewish convert - since Tia Tequila and Jenna Jameson, at least. This is the tale of Ivanka Trump. Why "brave," you ask? Because what's the ultimate nepo baby to do when not a single person wants to be in their company? No, really. No one. 

Since she's no longer advising world leaders at the G20 Summit or focusing on the economic empowerment of women as daddy's specialist-ever "special advisor," Ivanka has had to completely re-architect her life! This is plainly audacious on her part, and make no mistake, architecting your life is hard. 

Ever since daddy got elected, then lost his re-election, Ivanka has faced grueling hardships. Her fashion and accessories line went belly up; former social and cultural besties, like Anna Wintour and Blake Lively, no longer invited her to their exclusive soirees and events; while NYC friends since childhood, such as Lysandra Ohrstrom, a private equity heiress, stopped talking to her and reportedly ignored her texts. Rude! 

In the case of Lysandra, this was especially hurtful for Ivanka, since as teenagers, she once invited Lysandra - true story! - to join her in a photo shoot for Sassy magazine (and hey, she didn't do that for just anyone, Lysandra, you ungrateful, cum guzzling fuckstick!). Some friends even unfollowed her on Instagram, which is unspeakably cruel, but such is the situation Ivanka found herself in. 

As she was no longer welcomed by anyone in NYC's high society, she heroically decamped with her husband, Slenderman Jarod Kushner to the adorably named "Billionaires Bunker," a private isle in Florida. Tragically, many who live there iced them out and let their disapproval be known, and that included the Trump-voting town commissioner, who went out of her way to publicly note that Ivanka and Jarod "have sub-par parenting abilities" after observing them haphazardly tending to the brood at the beach. Rude! And in the words of daddy: unfair!

Hoping to change the narrative, Ivanka bravely re-architected again by quiet-quitting daddy's re-election campaign, and by later confirming as much in a bombshell post on her social media sites (which none of her friends follow), announcing that she's decided to forgo politics entirely in order to concentrate on being "a good mom." This had to hurt her very deeply, since according to reporter and author Michael Wolff, Ivanka has long had big plans - the biggliest! - to become the first female President of these United States. Again, unfair! 

But Ivanka would not be stopped from architecting. She doubled-down on ignoring daddy and his mounting legal woes; she smiled for the cameras while wearing a plunging top to show off her perky bolt-ons at an exclusive Palm Springs social event; and pointedly golfed at the Everglades Club, noted in her family's history as a club which years ago refused daddy's attempts to become a member. Take that, daddy! No one can say Ivanka isn't courageous. 

Yet frustratingly, it was all for naught. But then, you guessed it, she re-architected yet again. In fact, only recently, she showed up at a "Human Trash Hoedown" in Beverly Hills. I speak, of course, about Kum Kartrashian's 43rd birthday party, where Ivanka stepped forth to celebrate with Kum and her new close friends, including natural beauty, Lauren Sanchez, Bigfoot Khloe Kardashian and Pimp Mama Kris, aka PMK (©Michaek K.). 

"So blessed to have hit the jackpot of friends!" Ivanka exclaimed on her Instagram. "I couldn't have dreamed I would ever be so lucky!" And while the meanies have taken to calling the bash a "Halloween Ghoul Party" with a collection of "Trashy Ozempic Queens" and "Gutter cunts" (and the comparably blunt "Fuckstains"), they're obviously jealous. Of who? Ivanka, of course, because at last she's soft-landed exactly where she belongs. 

Finally, a happy ending for our all-natural heroine. Or is it? Ivanka, it seems, will soon have to testify for the prosecution - or against daddy - in an ongoing financial fraud trial, this after she was originally charged in the case with daddy and his lesser children (except for the one named after a collectible lampshade). 

Luckily, she was dismissed as a defendant. But now? Being dragged back into this mess to testify? And perhaps put herself at risk for separate fraud charges? Unfair! Sad! So what if daddy sold her a luxe penthouse at a deep discount, or $14 million instead of the listed $45? Whom does this really hurt? You? Your mother? Her maid? And honestly, why come after Ivanka, who's already had to re-architect so many times? We can only hope and pray that she remains strong. 

"All women can benefit from architecting their lives," she famously wrote, along with, "Paying bills is not enormously impactful. Woman like you and me must honor who we are." Sage, practical advise, to be sure. I can't to wait learn where she soft-lands next. And if it's behind bars? I fully expect her to re-architect what it means to serve time, since serving time is down-time, and as Ivanka has told us more than once, down-time is the perfect time to "learn calligraphy, chess or dancing." It could happen. Get ready, because learning calligraphy could well become the all-new architecting. 

Photo Credits: Getty Images, AP