Alec Baldwin and Hilaria (ous) Want a Reality Show. Que?!

These two might be coming to a small screen near you! It seems they have been pitching a show about their family to the networks. I hope one includes the Comedy channel because I can't see what else it could possibly be. Alec seems to be all in for it since he has been pitching away with the Spanish Princess and telling everyone who will listen. She has been desperately trying to angle her way into the spotlight for years, so what better way than a reality show. She has done ridiculous yoga poses in absurd places, and she has filled their house with babies, probably using Alec's AARP Discount For Diapers Club for Men Who Shouldn't Be Having Kids At Their Age card. Fellow members include Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, and George Clooney. Also known as The Penile Implant Papas. Viagra4Evah! Those fools probably go through more penis pumpers and drugs per year than the entire island of Manhattan combined. They have to be virile at any cost without one care for a child who will never know their father as anything other than Grandaddy Alec. 

What would their silly show be about? Her studies at Universitat de Barcelona? Also known as New York University. Will they insist on calling her Hilaria as they keep doing in headlines? Will she be simpering away in her Penelope Cruz cosplay? Hola! magazine will have a field day with this, as they should after wasting time promoting the Spanish Princess as one of us. I hope some nasty South American takes hold of the Baldwin beat and uses it for revenge.

It is no mystery that the couple could use a pivot, as they have had several years of deservedly dismal headlines and, let's face it, less-than-stellar behavior on Alec's part after misfiring a gun and tragically killing Haylana Hutchins on the messy set of Rust two years ago. I can't remember a mea culpa, but maybe I was so disgusted I tuned him out for the last two years. Alec's behavior after it happened was enlightening, and what lurked underneath his image was a cold-hearted, self-pitying egocentric who only cared about how to position himself and less about Haylana and her loved ones. Neither Hillary-Lynn nor Alec is long on shame or self-reflection, and they are probably well-matched in that department. His and her funhouse mirrors show them something only they see, which is far divorced from reality.

Hillary Lynn Hayward-Thomas being outed as a lily-white American girl from Boston should have made her disappear in shame for taking up space for a real Spaniard, including that infamous mispronunciation of cucumber and listing her birthplace as Mallorca. Alec got her a job as an Extra correspondent almost ten years ago, and she was on a podcast called Mom Brain, trying to get noticed and ride his coattails. Hilariously, after Hillary-Lynn was busted for cultural appropriation, she slunk back to Instagram, posting feverishly about the babies and her EXCELLENT life. Any attention is good attention for her. So, for writing this, I took the plunge to look at her Instagram to see what Hillary-Lynn has been up to. 

My brain just lost IQ points. Constant photos of their kids and showing herself as the mother of the year of the Baldwinitos-yes with all the balls in the world, she is still calling them this. All seven of them feature on page after page, privacy be damned, and I suspect many of them came from a surrogate and a fake pregnancy bump so she could soak up the attention. Hillary-Lynn is addicted to having babies in her life, and like most women like this, they love the proxy attention for being a new mother. Every time I am pregnant or have a small baby, it kicks off something in people; they are generally nicer and more accommodating. Science has proven that babies, kittens, puppies, or other baby animals kickstart activity in the brain that causes pleasure and those fuzzy feelings when we see them on YouTube. For Hillary-Lynn, though, it is all about her and creating this tableau of perfection of a Lili Pulitzer children's catalog. All the little gingery blonde children are on page after page, and they look nearly exactly the same as if Hillary-Lynn and Alec produced them in a lab for those purposes. Designer Chicos would certainly be something she would do because, for Hillary-Lynn, it is all about appearances.

Rarely will I ever accuse someone of Narcissism because it is overused and flung all over the internet for merely selfish or disappointing people. To encounter a true Narcissist is several levels above a self-involved asshole, and they are disordered and have a set of behaviors that have to be present for a true diagnosis. There are tendencies, and then there are those like Hillary-Lynn who are so easy to spot because she won't go away because she needs her self-image fed among the baby fixation and tanning to appear more Spanish. A panel of psychologists would have a field day diagnosing her. 

Since having 7 children is an enormous expense, and Alec was never as prolific as other actors, he needs to get a hustle going, and he needs it now. He doesn't have the big fat bank account that won't run out. Surrogates cost a lot, and so does a high life in New York. His contemporaries like Clooney or Tom Cruise are rolling in hundreds of millions, but he has a worth that includes assets at 70 million. Those Baldwintos are going to have to have jobs. No endless trust funds for them. Better get some hustles going for the kids and get them started young. They can always reach out to PMK; she would exploit the fuck out of them; of course, it means some light hooking when they turn 18, but who can judge? Raises hand.

Hillary Lynn's spirit sister, Rachel Dolezal, was the subject of a documentary on Netflix called The Rachel Divide, which was supposed to be about her bizarre behavior and desperation to be black. Instead, it became about how much her son could not stand her wacky, often fraught behavior. I expect a reality show featuring Hillary-Lynn and Alec and their Spanish caravan to be just as exploitative and revealing. She opens herself to scathing comments; however, this Boston-born Baldwinita does not care. Again, any attention is good attention. What I found particularly galling is that she has 1 million followers and fans!!!! I was shocked to see the fawning in her Instagram comment section. Who are these morons? Is the full frontal lobe challenged?

So I will probably watch, but only if Ireland stomps on set, calls Hillary-Lynn a rude, thoughtless little pig, and then flounces. If she can do it like a telenovela superstar, I would stan her forever. Just like a runaway train derailing off the tracks, this thing is going to be all over the place, and it will probably produce epic memes. If this happens, you all have to watch it so we can discuss it in depth and make sure what we saw actually happened and it wasn't a fever dream. 

(photos:Getty, Instagram)