OPEN POST: Free the Peach!

In Dis Tew Much™ news, a proposal to ban wearing thongs on the beach in Australia is underway, and of course you already know the type behind it - a straight white puritanical killjoy (local businessman Ian Grace). He proposed the ban in a letter to the Gold Coast mayor, confidently claiming (without consulting anyone whatsoever, probably) that it "makes people uncomfortable." Um, okay, buddy...

However, in response to the proposed ban, a bikini-clad rally of protestors have gathered to show their support for what they're now calling the 'Free the Peach' movement. I'd be lying if said I wasn't a bit disappointed they aren't calling it 'Butt Out, Ian!', but I digress. Discussing the protest, one pro-thong woman had this to say about it: "It's giving everybody the freedom of choice of what they can wear on the beach. It's fighting for our right to feel comfortable enough in our own skin. We've been doing it for so many years, it feels like we're going back in time. And we're here to fight for it." Her heart's in the right place, but as for going back in time, I guess she forgot about the whole Renaissance era of art.

This Counts

Anyhor, faced with opposition, Ian really started, ahem, showing his ass, asserting that for women to have the liberty to reveal their rumps on the beach, it's somehow inversely an unfair attack on poor, marginalized men: "If all of a sudden guys started walking around baring their bums the same way, we'd be lambasted, castigated, all those big words. But then again, blokes wouldn't do it. We just don't think about that. Why would I want to stick a thong up there and show my bare bum to everyone?" Once again, Ian, I challenge you to speak for yourself!

And I mean, damn! It's not like dudes can't already go around freely crisping their nips on the beach while women's areolas may never see the light of day! And all-in-all, there's nothing lewd about the nude human body (unless you're Katie Price, of course). The least we can do is give everyone equal freedom to bake their buns and boobs as they see fit, amirite? UV rays, everywhere, for ALL!!