OPEN POST: Garik, The Manor Mascot

You know, for quite some time the Manor has needed a mascot, and finally, I think I've found just the guy for the job! Meet Garik, the Russian monkey that tore through the streets of Myliki in a fit of drunken, jealous rage!

Garik's owner, Anna, was recently married, and apparently the monkey REALLY did not like the guy. So last week the husband released the monkey from his cage, letting loose Furious George™, who immediately grabbed a bottle of whiskey, downed it, then headed outside to seek vengeance and set the world ablaze, understandably. 

The shitfaced monkey absolutely rampaged the little village, attacking FIVE neighbors, with at least one of them needing stitches after being bitten on the lips. Uh, sexy? And I guess all that excitement left Garik with quite the appetite, as afterward he was seen eating tulips, an apple, and some cookies, the latter being offered in a successful attempt to catch the pie-eyed primate.

And I mean, who among us hasn't been there at least once, twice, six times in our lives? Judge not, ye Peckers! We are a bold, feral bunch, and this monkey carries with it the untamed, wanton fuckery that each of us also proudly hold in our hearts!....and, uh, probably fleas and a raging case of monkeypox that some of us also probably carry in our pants, too. You know who you are!

Picture Source: The Mirror