THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "Olympians Pee in the Pool" by Saucy Kitty!
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| Katie Ledecky / USA Today Sports |
Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from SaucyKitty!
I’ve seen enough posts by my fellow Peckerwoodians to know that our Manor pool is pristine rather than pissed-in. We are a polite and health-conscious group that shuns public pools, water parks, and other spots where the heathens readily urinate in the pool and use it as their private pissoir.
You’d think our Olympic pool athletes would also be so polite. They are, after all, in the water for quite some time, practicing and competing, sometimes unintentionally ingesting the water. Alas, my Peckers, due to various constraints, a number of Olympic water sport (ha!) athletes have confessed to what many people didn’t ask about or want to know: a lot of them, possibly a majority, piss in the pool.
U.S competitor Zach Harting (at least his last name doesn’t have an S in front of it, or I’d be really worried about his poop/pool habits) has confessed that since he first micturated in the murky waters of a high school pool, his take on pool urination altered. “The world changed for me,” he confessed. “Every time I went to a pool after that, I only considered myself to have swam in it if I peed in it.” Lily King, another US swimmer, confessed that she has “basically peed in every pool I’ve ever swam in.” Tokyo Olympian Jake Mitchell chimed in with, "I always have to pee, because I'm so hydrated."
However, eight-time gold medalist Katie Ledecky gives us hope. Regarding pool tinkling with no sprinkling, she simply said, “I definitely don’t,” followed by, “I try not to think about it” when asked about her fellow liver draining types.
A large number of Olympic swimmers similarly admitted to being pool pee-ers, mostly due to the tight-fitting nature of their suits, the fact that they are constantly hydrating before a competition, and, again, time constraints due to both the extremely tight-fitting suits, which can take up to 20 minutes to remove, and the amount of time they are allowed in said pools.
Although some of them can be somewhat polite: a number said that they do not Ray J. in their lane when they know someone will be swimming directly behind them. Four-time medalist Cullen Jones explained, "You never want to swim through a warm patch.” Yay for manners, I guess?
Thankfully, we have a voice of reason in Saturday Night Live’s former dynamo and Olympic correspondent, Leslie Jones. Leslie has a practical answer for pool pissers in her life: if you want to swim in Leslie’s pool, you sign a NPA. Did I spell that wrong? No, I did not! A NPA is a Non Pee Agreement (ok, she doesn’t call it that, but I couldn’t resist).
Urgent question: Do we need NPAs for our Manor pool? It’s not like anyone is ruining the rug that ties the room together, but still.
I’ve seen enough posts by my fellow Peckerwoodians to know that our Manor pool is pristine rather than pissed-in. We are a polite and health-conscious group that shuns public pools, water parks, and other spots where the heathens readily urinate in the pool and use it as their private pissoir.
You’d think our Olympic pool athletes would also be so polite. They are, after all, in the water for quite some time, practicing and competing, sometimes unintentionally ingesting the water. Alas, my Peckers, due to various constraints, a number of Olympic water sport (ha!) athletes have confessed to what many people didn’t ask about or want to know: a lot of them, possibly a majority, piss in the pool.
U.S competitor Zach Harting (at least his last name doesn’t have an S in front of it, or I’d be really worried about his poop/pool habits) has confessed that since he first micturated in the murky waters of a high school pool, his take on pool urination altered. “The world changed for me,” he confessed. “Every time I went to a pool after that, I only considered myself to have swam in it if I peed in it.” Lily King, another US swimmer, confessed that she has “basically peed in every pool I’ve ever swam in.” Tokyo Olympian Jake Mitchell chimed in with, "I always have to pee, because I'm so hydrated."
However, eight-time gold medalist Katie Ledecky gives us hope. Regarding pool tinkling with no sprinkling, she simply said, “I definitely don’t,” followed by, “I try not to think about it” when asked about her fellow liver draining types.
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| Caeleb Dressel / Getty Images |
Although some of them can be somewhat polite: a number said that they do not Ray J. in their lane when they know someone will be swimming directly behind them. Four-time medalist Cullen Jones explained, "You never want to swim through a warm patch.” Yay for manners, I guess?
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| Leslie Jones / Getty Images |
Should you dare to pee in Leslie’s pool, you are banned for life! Her pool guests are required to shower and use the bathroom before entering her pool. If her rule is broken? "If you pee in my pool, that means you will pee in my life. Get the f-- out.” I love Leslie, but how great is her bladder control? Hasn’t she just ever jumped into a warm pool and accidentally let go (hey, it happens, OK?).
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| Thomas Ceccon / Getty Images |
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