EVENING NIGHTCAP: Pluto Day. Guy Pearce vs. Kevin Spacey. Clip Art Hell From Walmart Wallis.

 

► It's Pluto Day, and no, I'm not talking about the dog that's owned by Goofy the dog. I never understood why Walt Disney had a dog be the owner of another dog. Twisted shit going on there. Anyhoo, Pluto Day celebrates the discovery of the 9th planet in the universe by astronomer Clyde Tombaugh.  Yes, Pluto is still a planet in my book.  Back in 2006, Pluto was demoted to dwarf planet status by the queen bees who run the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto was demoted because it refused to wear pink on Tuesdays. Actually, the "you can't sit with us" order was because Pluto didn't meet the criteria of, "clearing its neighborhood in its orbit". Huh? Did they expect Pluto to whip out a quantum size leaf blower to push the trash from it's neighboring planets? I'd tell them to clean up your own yard and leave me the hell alone. Celebrations of Pluto Day include asking the bitches at IAU to reinstate Pluto back to its planet status. Read More 

Comment: Little Pluto will always have a special place in my heart because it's cute and tiny.  Pluto is the Chihuahua of our solar system. If I'm going to describe planets as dogs (except for Earth), here's my list: Earth is an uppity cat that thinks the solar system orbits around their needs, shits outside the litter box, and marks territory wherever it damn well wants. Mars is the big old Rottweiler who's a softie. Venus is a Cocker Spaniel who gets easily confused. Neptune is a Newfie or a Portuguese Water Dog that you can never get out of the pool. Jupiter is a Poodle who has an owner that thinks the dog is an extension of themself and has the poor thing decked out in bling, pouffy haircuts, and cutesy outfits (think Karen from Texas). Uranus is a Bulldog that farts 24/7 and DGAF who it offends. 

► During an interview with THR, actor Guy Pearce disclosed that during the filming of the 1997 hit movie, LA Confidential, actor Kevin Spacey "targeted him" and described him as, "quite an aggressive man" . Does that mean Spacey looked at Guy the way my dog looked at the smoked pork chops I made last night? Guy went on to say:

"Even though I probably was a victim to a degree; I was certainly not a victim by any means to the extent that other people have been to sexual predators.”

As expected, Spacey didn't take kindly to Guy's remarks and pseudo allegations of misconduct.  Kevin posted a video that fired back at Guy for going public with the issue instead of talking to him in private, moaning about how the media will now go after him, bla, bla, bla. He ended the video by telling Guy to, "grow up".  Read More 

Comment: If Guy had gone to Spacey in private, what would that have accomplished? He would have denied it, just like all the previous countless accusations made by other actors against Spacey. While Guy didn't go into any gory details about Spacey's onset behavior, I'll just say that I'm sure it's similar to what others have experienced. With that, I need a hazmat shower. I thought we were done with Spacey's icky shenanigans. 

Actors Kevin Spacey and Guy Pearce, undated. Photo: Yahoo.com / Variety

► Say goodbye to American Riviera and hello to "As Ever", the new name Walmart Wallis as anointed to relaunch her lifestyle brand. American Riviera has been kicked to the curb because it never got off the ground. Another attempt by Montecito's Gretchen Wieners to make "fetch" happen. To honor the new name, she had a big unveiling of the new logo for "As Ever". The logo features a palm tree and 2 hummingbirds. It looks like clip art hell. It wouldn't be Walmart Wallis without having some deep, Jungian-style psychological philosophical meaning behind the logo. The birds represent a hummingbird that visited Temu Edward at their Montecito home after the death of his nana, QE2. They symbolize QE2's spirit or some horseshit like that and something about Aztec warriors and honoring the dead. My eyes started twitching reading their explanation. The palm tree represents Montecito and their love of the area. Read More 

Comment: Someone needs to tell her that a new logo isn't going to inspire anyone to buy her strawberry jam and other overpriced Goopy-wannabee crap she's peddling. The name, "As Ever" is stupid. I'm going refer to it as, "As If". That's more appropriate to describe this pretentious nonsense. 

Meghan Markle and the new logo for "As Ever" which replaces American Riviera. Photo: Karwai Tang/WireImage; As Ever/People.com