OPEN POST: With My Classique Review Of Cats!

6 years ago, I wrote: So I just returned from a matinee of "Cats," and I have a few thoughts.

When the surly teenager manning the ticket booth said "Which movie?" I said "'Cats,' naturally!" He kind of sneered as he pushed the ticket through, saying "Don't get crushed by the mob." I've a good mind to call his manager!

When I went into the cineplex I was the ONLY PERSON THERE. (I'm not kidding; I'm thinking everyone just assumed it was sold out and figured it was useless to even try to get tickets).

I've never seen the play but I had a vague idea what it was about (cats singing or something), so I was prepared to be wowed by Andrew Lloyd Webber's magnum opus, but honestly...I found it lacking in the dramatic department. There's not a great plot. The majority of the film is introductions to kitty characters vying to be reincarnated (or something).

And let's not even TALK about the tap-dancing cockroaches!

And as for the performances...

Dame Judi Dench brings a lifetime of experience and talent to her role, but honestly, Cats doesn't showcase her flatteringly.

Poor Jennifer Hudson looks like she has the mange, but she acts well enough, and her voice is, of course, powerful and resounding. I'll give her a C+. Forgive this next bit, but Idris is--embarrassing. (I'm sorry, but it's TRUE!)

All that leaves is Taylor Swift. I KNOW what you're all thinking "no matter what, Homo's going to see only the best in her performance," but speaking objectively she really is the best thing about this insanity. There was an audible gasp in the theater when she made her entrance (well, I audibly gasped, anyway).

I'm sure it's partly the role (she's the bitch, but she's silky and feline and playful, which had to be fun to enact). But just the same, when she showed up, every single person in that theater (i.e. me) sat up and took notice. And excepting "Memories," she has the best song in the film. It's like she wandered in from some other, better film like "Damn Yankees" or "Cabaret."

ANYWAY...ultimately, the right cat goes up to Cat Heaven to be reincarnated and all the other cats will keep vying for the title next year, so I can only hope and pray for a sequel focusing on Taylor's character in the not too distant future.

All in all, I give Cats 4 out of 5 Fancy Feasts (but 3 of those are because of Taylor).

A 2025 addendum: I'll be at work at the time this is posted, and I'll be working tomorrow too, and it's cool. But I hope each and every one of you has a happy Christmas Eve, and a Merry Christmas day. For those who don't celebrate Christmas - celebrate something else! Just celebrate. And here's a picture I took the other day when I was the first one at work, at like 5 or 6am:

Merry Christmas Eve, darlings!