Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than all those nasty couch cushion crumbs you've yet to vacuum up, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, someone forgot to tell me that April was Clam Bumping Month™, because this week, not one, but two, female tarlets proudly announced that they're Lawrence Welk fans, if'n you get me drift. The first, Sophia Bush, a 40-ish actress formerly married to someone named Chad Michael Murray, and someone else named Grant Hughes, made headlines by announcing that her new lesbean lover is retired soccer star, Ashlyn Harris.  "Sophia Bush Hard-Launches New Relationship!" announced The Daily Beast  in a boner-shock headline that missed the ham wallet point by a mile. But whatevs. Welcome to the alphabet club, Sophia. Is Sophia thirsty? I don't think so, since she's not simultaneously promoting a new book, album, or sex toy...

Would you cheat on this? That the question every hor is asking themselves this morning, because yesterday, the luminous Jodie-Turner Smith filed for divorce from acceptable, mildly doable man-schlub, Joshua Jackson. Why, you ask? Because allegedly he had a case of the wandering scrotum-totem. Yes, he cheated on her , not the other way around, which is confusifying on so many levels that I just cannot. I mean, look at her. Look. At. Her. What in micro-peen man-whore hell was he thinking?  Jodie's asking for joint custody of their 3 year-old crotch dropping - and get this: there's no prenup. Which means this could potentially get very messy, but then what did we expect? They first met at Usher's 40th birthday party. If that's not stanky-bad juju, I don't know what is. Since Jodie's net worth is allegedly $5 million and Joshua's is allegedly $8 million, expect Jodie to get a hefty chunk of Joshua's cheese - not that kind, you shameless tramp - given that sh...