It began in the fields when the year was dying. The Celts called it Samhain—a night when the border between worlds turned porous as breath. Fires burned on the hills; the living disguised themselves to fool the dead, who wandered freely, homesick for warmth. Cattle were slaughtered, hearths were blessed, and every shadow felt personal. It was the year folding itself shut. Centuries later, the Church pressed its seal upon the fire. All Hallows’ Eve, they called it, the eve of saints and souls. But the fire would not behave. It danced in doorways and behind church glass, wild as memory. The saints stayed in their windows; the ghosts stayed in the streets. Years passed, and the night put on different masks. Lanterns carved from turnips. Apples bobbing in water. Faces painted white. It crossed oceans, found new soil, learned new songs. The fields became suburbs. The bonfires became doorbells. The disguises, more flattering. But the impulse—the small, lovely terror of being seen and n...

Behold a gazebo in a Victorian garden surrounded by an iron fence (which is surrounded by a much higher iron fence) on the grounds of a gigantic mansion (with a tower that's five stories tall), on an estate which encompasses an entire city block. Although once it was surrounded by other palatial estates it is now all alone, surrounded by apartment buildings and businesses. But, like a grande dame who is now of diminished circumstances, it maintains its dignity despite its bustling surroundings. There's stories of it being haunted (nothing like the glamorous dump I work at, though) and although it's not open to the public I did get a behind the scenes tour about 30 years ago, courtesy of a bartender I was good friends with who moonlit as security there part-time. I went there one night before he finished and he walked me through the whole place. He even took me up to the attic floor and showed me the original antique bowling alley, though he kinda hurried through that part. ...

The fog lifts, the dead arrive, and Peckerwood throws a party only the afterlife could survive. By 10:45 the fog machines had unionized and refused to work without hazard pay. Candles hissed in protest. The chandeliers flickered like a dying Broadway star refusing to leave the stage. Outside, the wind howled through the magnolias like an ex-lover with opinions. Inside, The Midnight Manor opened its doors to the annual Peckerwood Halloween gala—a social experiment that asked: what happens when the dead are better dressed than the living? The valet was losing his mind. The first car that pulled up was a hearse. Bela Lugosi stepped out wearing Tom Ford and an expression that said he was above this, though he absolutely wasn’t. He swept through the foyer like a man expecting applause. Moments later, a red Tesla arrived and disgorged a congressman who insisted he’d been invited by “someone in communications.” Everyone silently agreed this was a cosmic clerical error. He spent most of the ni...

It's that time of year, when celebrities get to show us their cReAtIvItY with their Halloween costumes, like Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna, who went the edgy route by dressing up as some sort of Hitler stan - and what, exactly? His spoogie slurping prostitot? I give them a C- for effort, but solely for Harry's "I'm A Mess" pin. NOTE: I've been told that they're supposed to be Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen, but I didn't know that Nance had polyester franken lips. Forgive? Do you have any favorite celebrity   Halloween costume picks? Do post them in the comments! Admittedly, there are many to choose from, so feel free to post more than one. Here's a few of my favorites.  Scorsese is making us all aware of the many atrocities committed against American Indians these days, so what better atrocity for the season than noted child torturer Chrissy Teigen as Miss Big Heapum Slag Squaw and John Legend as her cowboy Durp. It's educational! Heidi Klum has m...

People are freaking out about Switch Witch, so I say let's make it perfect to make sure your kids hate you forever. Introducing the new version to keep up with changing times and will offend no one! Take the fun out of Halloween. Introducing the NEW Switch Witch. Have you heard of the New Switch Witch? She's a witch who's so tech-savvy that she trades candy for cryptocurrency! Stand Down lame ass Tooth Fairy; there's a new witch in town. Because what every child wants for Halloween is a lesson in cryptocurrency and investing, right? Forget the fun of trick-or-treating and the joy of indulging in some candy. Let's teach our kids about the stock market instead! And who needs toys or money when you can have cryptocurrency? YAY! It's not like kids want to play with physical objects. Plus, let's not forget that Halloween is all about allergies. The Switch Witch is the perfect solution for those kids who can't eat certain ingredients and is very inclusive. So ...