Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than all those Doritios crumbles between J.D. Vance's couch cushions - 'cause he's always snackin' after sexytimes - so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have  Billie Joe Armstrong , the front man for Green Day, a cosmeticized, faux-punk group from the early-90s which aped the moves, sound and attitude of their predecessors, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and their front man,  Anthony Kiedis - sans the Peppers raw talent, innovative discography, and charming socks . I said what I said and shan't be convinced otherwise. Everything about Billie is tricked up, including his sexuality. He's noted that he's in a straight, M/F marriage, but bisexual, which is fine and good, expect when you're tacky about it. This includes the time at an industry party where he allegedly walked up to a long-ago boyfriend with his wif...

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than that mangy package of rice cakes you bought but never ate because they taste like cardboard, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have Shakira, seen above wearing incense coils on her diminutive sparrow teets, because why not? The "Hips Don't Lie" singer who I am very tempted to call a one-hit wonder (but I won't because I'm eating dark chocolate covered mini-pretzels, so: happy) is known far and wide for a little "oopsie" tax evasion and genuinely messy relationships. Just recently, she's begun humping on Lucien Laviscount, that fine piece of British chocolate from "Emily In Paris" whom she featured in her new music video as a strapping, bare-chested centaur. Very subtle, Shakira! I hope she's riding that mythological horsey-hunk only 16 years younger than her till her hips fracture...