WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HO? Is it Jennifer Garner? Or Jessica Biel? Or Ben Affleck?
Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a forgotten cat dookie left behind the litter box, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, behold one of many sobbing pictures recently posted to Instagram by Jennifer Garner , who wants everyone to know that she's down-in-the-dumpity-doo. "Why?" you ask. "Does it matter?" I answer. In other words, isn't it enough that she's sharing her chopping onions face with all of us commoners and poors? But then with Jennifer, never doubt her stealth agenda, since she's made a very lucrative second career out of being The Good Mom who routinely alerts the paps when she's walking her kids to school and posts videos of herself cleaning her cat's butt, all while telling People Magazine , "My favorite role is mommy! I make sure everyone has a note in their lunch box every day!" Never mind that she...