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WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HO? Is it Mark Ruffalo? Or Justin Timberlake? Or Drake's Wormy Peen?

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Welcome, my chickens, to the latest edition of "Who's The Thirstiest Ho?" First up, we have Mark Ruffalo, who's baring his man teats and arm pitties for all to see while posing like a bloated squid that's tranqued on benzos and ready for either a wee nap or a moment of lazy-I'll-just-flop-here-and-you-do-me sexytimes-while-my-tushy-burps-a-blaster. I s this thirsty? Oh, my goodness, yes it is.   Also, what is "Perfect" magazine? And do they really think this dead-eyed crusty moose-knuckle is "perfect" or "sexy?" This picture screams raunchy unwashed ball stank, it screams a desperate combover to hide a beachball-sized bald spot, it screams a filthy hairy back sprouting mushrooms and infested with gnats and fermented feta cheese, it screams crutch tips and house slippers and dried earwax specks dotting a black turtleneck and power walking at the mall and nipple-high pants and enough nose hair to knit a sweater.  "I'm 55 no