Peckerwood Manor

Fuck candy corn. You heard me. And I'm not taking it back. Invented by some fannywipe in the late-1800s, and originally called "Chicken Feed" - and honestly, if we all want speedballing chickens going tits up in seconds from sugar shock, then that's what they should be used for - these brightly-colored rabbit turds now rear their ugly heads every Halloween, then continue to inflict torment on our teeth and tummies through Thanksgiving and ChristmasKwanzaHanukkah and all the rest. And there's a special holiday for these atrocities? What kind of 13-inch ass-blasting double-headed dildo hell is that? Have you ever bitten into a stale candy corn? They're hard as a rock and taste like cartilage. When I was a kidlet, I hated candy corn because it didn't taste like anything, so instead I collected them and flicked them at adversaries, like a certain playground bully who charged at me when I beaned him a few times, only to leap back, because once he got close (tr...