Getty Images It will be the end of humanity if we let it. Well, it'll be the end of road-tripping white people, that's for sure.  Gas. Station. Food. Just ask Dr. Bernard Hsu, better known as Chubbyemu. He's a toxicologist and former competitive power lifter whose YouTube channel  with 3.9 million subscribers is a wonderland of horrifying medical emergencies. Many of these cases originate with, you guessed it, gas station food.  As someone who's constantly on the bus going from one gig to another, and who used to routinely take the four hour bus ride from Vancouver to Penticton, I have regularly taken my life in my hands and availed myself of an innocent-looking sammich, or perhaps a plastic clamshell of Caesar salad. In fact, I did so just yesterday.  Then I turned on the tv. That was my big mistake. It's dry, but is jerky really safe either? Nachos, apparently, are not . We surely all know to wipe off the top of a pop can before taking a swig, right? What else can...

Fuck candy corn. You heard me. And I'm not taking it back. Invented by some fannywipe in the late-1800s, and originally called "Chicken Feed" - and honestly, if we all want speedballing chickens going tits up in seconds from sugar shock, then that's what they should be used for - these brightly-colored rabbit turds now rear their ugly heads every Halloween, then continue to inflict torment on our teeth and tummies through Thanksgiving and ChristmasKwanzaHanukkah and all the rest. And there's a special holiday for these atrocities? What kind of 13-inch ass-blasting double-headed dildo hell is that? Have you ever bitten into a stale candy corn? They're hard as a rock and taste like cartilage. When I was a kidlet, I hated candy corn because it didn't taste like anything, so instead I collected them and flicked them at adversaries, like a certain playground bully who charged at me when I beaned him a few times, only to leap back, because once he got close (tr...