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WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HOR? Is It Teresa Giudice? Or Eugenio Casnighi (Who?)? Or Sophia Coppola's Dry Lips?

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Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a gnarled stick of beef jerky (see: Madonna), so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, what's a little felony bankruptcy fraud worth to you? For table-flipping "Real Housewives of New Jersey" cast member,  Teresa Giudice , it’s worth about eleven months behind bars, which is where she first took up yoga, she says, because "I just had to get my mind-space clear!" Seen above with brand new inner-tube lips and custom head transplant - created exclusively by Bobbleheads 'R' Us - Teresa has kept busy selling her branded sparkling wine called "Fabelllini," supporting Donald Trump's re-election campaign, and lately, attending Coachella, because of course she was at Coachella. And, yes, she bum-rushed every celebrity and "influencer" within spitting distance to get a selfie with them.  She s