Peckerwood Manor

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from ScarHOE! When the camera panned away from Lisa Vanderpump and we followed the SUR staff into the kitchen, lives were changed. We are gathered here today to say goodbye to "Vanderpump Rules" as we know it. Goodbye to the Toms. Goodbye to Scheana’s veneers. Goodbye to Lala’s fake gangsta persona. "Vanderpump Rules" started in 2013, following the servers at Lisa Vanderpump’s Sexy Unique Restaurant (SUR). They were wannabe actors, models (“mactors”); beautiful people trying to make it in LA while working at a restaurant. Tom Sandoval, Jax Taylor, Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney, Scheana Marie, Kristen Doute were the main characters in the beginning. As their lives changed, we met Tom Schwartz, Brittany Cartwright, Laura-Leigh (God bless), that one rando Vail, Ariana Madix, Miami Girl, Lala Kent, James Kennedy, Faith.  The ...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Mizcynical! So what are your plans this weekend? If you happen to have a spare $5,000, or even $1,200, burning a hole in your pocket in this economy , then I have just the thing for you. Gwyneth Paltrow, our favorite out-of-touch-basic-bitch (who was briefly African), is hosting an in-person wellness summit. Because of course she is and her timing couldn't be more exquisite. Perhaps, dear reader, you don't live in Los Angeles, therefore missing out on the opportunity to see and  work with her in the Santa Monica goop office - and if you do, this means you earn enough money to afford a studio apartment with six roommates in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  Another downside of not living in L.A. is that you don't have an overpriced Panera Bread - oops, I meant goop kitchen - near you, therefore, missing out on the...

Welcome, Manor Hors, to The Roving Pecker, where we present the latest episode of "The Tales Of Peckerwood Manor" by our very own Kombitcha! Any resemblance to actual Manor Hors is intentional, except when it's not. Enjoy! TITLE: “Garden Party Pandemonium” EXT. PECKERWOOD MANOR – GARDEN – DAY The camera zooms in on Bree, who’s battling a pile of costume pieces, preparing for the fancy-dress garden party. Nearby, Raincoaster is scribbling in her notebook, pondering the mystery symbols, half-focused on the chaos around her. Kombitcha is anxiously eyeing a suspicious bag labeled “Glitter Galore.” BREE (whispering to herself) This garden party is more chaotic than a cat in a room full of laser pointers. (alarmed)  Is that glitter?!  KOMBITCHA  Glitter is the herpes of the arts and craft world. You can never get rid of it. BREE (grimacing) Let’s set up a no-glitter zone. For the love of sequins, I refuse to turn this place into a disco ball of doom. And speaking of sequins, wh...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from our own beloved  Kombitcha!

Source: Getty Images Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from GlamourDoll! First Justin Timberlake’s DWI, and now Dave Grohl’s affair and love child.  The last few months haven't been good to ‘90’s boybanders! Wiggle your spirit fingers for every “upstanding” family man who's been revealed to be a dirty-dog cheater! Dave’s peen has wandered over to join the infamous ranks of cheating married musicians, like Adam Levine, Michael Bublé, Jason Aldean, Miranda Lambert, LeAnn Rimes, Ozzy Osbourne, Jay-Z and so many more. Once again, the more you have to shout from the rooftops about what a good and perfect and supercool person you are, the less surprising it is when it’s revealed that you’re a tacky, rotted slimeball in a fake, shiny wrapper. In other words, we should have seen this coming.  In the afternoon hours of September 10, 2024 (coincidently a few hours before a certai...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Saucy Kitty! Meow to you, Pecker Feline Fans! As you surely know, many colors of kitties exist - from tabby to tux to void to cow to blank - so it's a rare occasion when science discovers an entirely new shade of cat. Introducing the salty licorice, or “Salmiak” cat from Finland. Salty licorice is apparently a cherished Finnish sweet, and that is what these babies’ furs look like (reminder to self: do not visit any country where black licorice is considered a top-shelf treat). Discovered in feral colonies around 2007, these particular purrers (see what I did there?) are usually marked in a tuxedo pattern - but their individual fur strands are black at the base, then fade to white at the tip. They sometimes have small patches of color over the white markings, as well. When scientists at the University of Helsinki and the pet DNA company...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Asparagus Pee! § I know you all wish you'd been in Chicago for the DNC (and probably for the hot dogs, too), but since you weren't, I’m here to fill you in on what they affectionately call “Coach-chella.”  Or more specifically,"DemPALOOZA," a multi-day expo filled with training sessions, panels, briefings, and activations to get people fired up for the election in November, and to help ensure that the Blue Wave is a tsunami. Speakers from all over guided people on the ins-and-outs of campaigning, gave tips on effective activism, and how to get organized to keep the wheels of democracy turning. But first, some nerd shit! While the DNC's  main convention was being hosted at the United Center on Chicago’s west side, "DemPALOOZA" was being hosted at McCormick Place , the largest convention center in North Americ...

Katie Ledecky / USA Today Sports Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from SaucyKitty! I’ve seen enough posts by my fellow Peckerwoodians to know that our Manor pool is pristine rather than pissed-in. We are a polite and health-conscious group that shuns public pools, water parks, and other spots where the heathens readily urinate in the pool and use it as their private pissoir. You’d think our Olympic pool athletes would also be so polite. They are, after all, in the water for quite some time, practicing and competing, sometimes unintentionally ingesting the water. Alas, my Peckers, due to various constraints, a number of Olympic water sport (ha!) athletes have confessed to what many people didn’t ask about or want to know: a lot of them, possibly a majority, piss in the pool. U.S competitor Zach Harting (at least his last name doesn’t have an S in front of it, or I’d be really w...