Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than the driest piece of Melba Toast, so your choice will be difficult. First, we have perpetual gold-digging mattress-actress, Sam Asghari, who hit the big-time when he married Britney Spears (code name Backwater Barbie). Almost immediately, she started yapping about family and them poppin' out a big ol' litter of chirruns, which Sam was totally into because who doesn't want to be a bio-dad Kevin Federline once divorce rears its head. Ka-ching ka-ching, and all you have to do is convince the judge that you're the better parent, which, let's be honest, is easier than a dead whore in the case of our Batshit Brit-Brit. But something funny happened on the way to dadimony. Either Sam couldn't spunk inside Britney's no doubt vajazzled vadge - the zircons spell out "Bagina" because that's what she called it as a four-year...

Welcome to the latest edition of "Thirsty Or Not Thirsty!" First up, we have sixty-year-old Brad Pitt - the movie star New Orleans loves to hate - and his adoring girlfriend, Ines De Ramon, who's a whopping 30 years his junior. But honestly, who's counting when you're an aging, juiced-on-Viagra star and a much younger "jewelry professional" (cough) who's also actor Paul Wesley's divorced, smash-and-trash leftover slop? A girl's gotta keep that money train going, and if this means riding a limp, cum-sputtering meat noodle (she cries "Timber!" whenever he whips it out) so be it.  The moisture-seeking couple were recently spotted on a "special date night" at a Beverly Hills art exhibit. Gossip sites called this a "rare sighting!" of the duo (who of course have them all on speed dial). Yet they weren't the only thirsty star whores at the gathering. There was also Jon Voight - shocker! - and, no, they didn't c...

I can't keep up with Brit and Sam's divorce because the hoopla is outsized, an event we all knew was coming from the beginning. Brit doesn't like the kind of men that stick around; perhaps, they don't like her, and the feeling is mutual. It isn't plausible that a stable man with emotional needs would choose a  stunted aging woman dressed as if the last twenty years had never happened.  Initially, Britney stormed onto the scene as a Lolita in a provocative video for One More Time when she wasn't even 18. Britney and I share the same generation, and our timelines are nearly parallel. Nothing about me was prudish, yet I remember my friends and me talking about how sleazy it looked and wondering how her parents could sanction something so overtly perverted. We knew what the bare midriff, schoolgirl outfit with the messy two ponytails looked like. We knew it was a whisper away from a porn fantasy and the flipside of Clueless' Cher Horowitz.   Her public image has...

Twirl, Brit-Brit, twirl. Right to divorce court. Judge Tacky Snatch Weave presiding. In breaking news today, it was revealed that Brit and her leech useless Trumpian twat housebroken ghey husband soon to be wasband, Sam Asghari, are getting de-shackled. Sad emoticon 'n' such, because post-conservatory, Brit's seemed to be doing so well. *cough* Or at least enjoying herself while whirling around half-nudie in her McMansion, circa 1989.  TMZ and "The NY Post" report that the couple's relationship has been toxic (sorry, had to) for quite some time, leading to explosive arguments both in private and in public. In fact, they've come to blows - no, not the fun kind - or at least Brit's been beating Sam (allegedly!) - and no, not the fun way - while only recently, he moved out of their McMansion.  To be honest, even those who were rooting for Brit when her conservatory ended were side-eying her decision to move in with, then marry, Asghari, who's vario...