BREAKING: It's Divorce, Bitch! Brit-Brit And Sam Will Soon Be Post-Married!

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Twirl, Brit-Brit, twirl. Right to divorce court. Judge Tacky Snatch Weave presiding. In breaking news today, it was revealed that Brit and her leech useless Trumpian twat housebroken ghey husband soon to be wasband, Sam Asghari, are getting de-shackled. Sad emoticon 'n' such, because post-conservatory, Brit's seemed to be doing so well. *cough* Or at least enjoying herself while whirling around half-nudie in her McMansion, circa 1989. 

TMZ and "The NY Post" report that the couple's relationship has been toxic (sorry, had to) for quite some time, leading to explosive arguments both in private and in public. In fact, they've come to blows - no, not the fun kind - or at least Brit's been beating Sam (allegedly!) - and no, not the fun way - while only recently, he moved out of their McMansion. 

To be honest, even those who were rooting for Brit when her conservatory ended were side-eying her decision to move in with, then marry, Asghari, who's variously been labeled a protitot out to get her cheddar to an undercover ghey prostitot out get her chedder to a Republican cuntress who backed Matt Gaetz' campaign, among others. "Why not all of it?" you ask. Indeed, why not? A would-be actor turned would-be dancer to "model" for hire to trainer, he never seemed to have that much of a function in Brit's life other than soaking her dry. 

On the upside, Brit's $15 million dollar deal to publish her memoirs is now definitely getting a hasty, very juicy, rewrite if the two do, in fact, go through with their divorce. Also on the upside is that Asghari signed a pre-nup, which is alleged to have happened in 2022 well before they tied the knot - and which will give him no access to any money she made before their marriage. That's before - as in most of it. Which means what?

It means that Asghari better hope that enough Republican asswipes want to pay beaucoup bucks to bang Brit's used up trash. That or OnlyFans. Or the ho stroll behind the 7-11 off Highway 9. Which, to be frank (may I be frank?) is what he deserves. 

Photo Credits: Getty Images; Britney Spears/Sam Asghari Instagram

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