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WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HO? Is It Justin Bieber? Or Barry Jenkins? Or Walmart's bettergoods?

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Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than your Great Auntie's chocha, so they need all the moisture they can get.  First up, we have Justin Bieber , whom many believe is driving off a cliff in slow-motion - like Amy Winehouse  once did and Britney Spears is doing now - especially after he posted pictures on Instagram this week which featured him shedding a few tears while wearing a porkpie hat in lime green (which is completely unacceptable and makes him look like an infected peen polyp). But let's look closer. Is he shedding real tears or glycerin tears? Or rather, is he troubled or twat-ish? Disturbed or douchey? Tired or tweaky? Down in the dumps or dick-smacking dumb? Before you call out, "All of the above!" or "I'd only smack him with Diddy's dick 'cause he's used to it!"  let's consider another option. Dude is majorly parched.  But when h

First World Problems: Walmart's New Shopping Cart Is Polarizing Customers

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  Photo: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images (Left), Dominick Reuter/Insider (Right); Business Insider For about the past two years, Walmart has been quietly testing a new shopping cart design at select stores. In the photo above, the left is the old cart and the right is the new cart. They recently decided to roll them out at more stores. The new carts are not a hit with some shoppers. Yea, I know, first world problems. The only time I cared about shopping cart design was whenever I was involved in shopping cart races in college drunk off my ass. Somehow, I always managed to get stuck with the wobbly wheel cart. But that's another story for another day.     According to a Walmart spokesperson, the new carts, "are intended to enhance the shopping experience". Translation: we want people to buy more stuff.  The new carts are about the same size as their old carts (tiny bit bigger) which you think would be a plus for Walmart shoppers to pile more s