Afternoon Tea: Mattel & Hollywood plan to ruin more of your childhood by taking popular toys and adapting them into movies

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Mattel recently looked into their corporate toy chest to see what else they can pimp out adapt as a movie for Hollywood to further ruin our childhood in the name of capitalism. The company has reported there are 17 movies in the works including:  

  • Polly Pocket - with Lily Collins and Lena Dunham
  • Uno - a hip hop heist caper featuring rapper Lil Yachty
  • Barney - with Daniel Kaluuya
  • Major Matt Mason - with Tom Hanks
  • Magic 8 Ball - no word on who will be in it
  • Live-action Masters of the Universe (doesn't Mattel know this was done in 1987 with Dolph Lundgren?)
  • Hot Wheels - being planned to be a gritty, testosterone fueled movie to be produced by J.J. Abrams

Grab your Joan Collins funeral veil because originality in Hollywood is dead. It has been replaced by laziness and an obsession for reboots, remakes, sequels, prequels and anything else that doesn't require intellect or an original thought. I have no idea who the hell Hollywood is catering to anymore - besides bean counters.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tantrum to throw.

Photo: Forbes

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