Elon Musk Just Challenged Mark Zuckerberg To a Dick Measuring Contest!

By

It's a Peen Battle, ya'll! But first, whisper thy names: Rockefeller. Vanderbilt. Carnegie. These were the august financial titans of the 1920s, who, in today's dollars, would be worth hundreds of billions of dollars more than any of today's financial behemoths. 

Plus, I'm fairly certain that Rockefeller, Vanderbilt or Carnegie never challenged each other to a "literal dick measuring context," but golly, it's 2023 and we're so much more evolved. This is not to say that Rockefeller and the like were well-behaved. They were ruthless, often blood-thirsty, monopolists, and in the case of Henry Ford, virulently anti-Semitic. 

But like Trump's legal quagmires being called "Stupid Watergate," we now have its companion, "Wealthy Stupidos," in the form of Musk, Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. Added bonus: they are all deeply concerned with their peen sizes. 


How else to explain Bezos' notorious rocket-shlong - specifically designed with fat mushroom cap - and now, a Twitter spat this week between Musk and Zuckerberg, which, predictably, plummets to talk of who's got the biggest jizz bomb. 

What prompted this? Fragile male egos! Zuckerberg's new "Threads," a wildly successful Twitter-like social platform, is making Musk look the fool, or more accurately, making him terrified that everyone will think he's got a sad little cockapiller. 


Or is this a larger problem? Are straight men okay? I ask because we're currently awash in angry INCELS who live in their mommy's basements with only their X-Boxes, sticky socks and piles and piles of moist, skidmarked undies. Are they all confused?

They might be! On the left, straight guys have to contend with a riot of new word salad terms, like non-binary, intersex, bi-gender and the show-stopping "they."


It's no better on the right, where manhood is defined by the likes of Josh Hawley...


...and his best-selling book, "Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs," which blames sex trafficking on "Epicurean liberals" and urges rugged, pious men to avoid "effeminate" jobs in the service industry. 

And that brings us back to our cock warrior oligarchs, Musk, Zuckerberg and Bezos. 


You know how this ends. It's not something we want to see. But maybe a bro-blowie or a chod-blasting taint tickle will slow their size-queen roll. Ah hahahaha! I'm kidding. It won't. 

Photo Source: ThePhotOne; BACKGRID; Alamy 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Peckerwood Manor's ELECTION PANIC-A-GOGO!

By
Image
It's happening right now! This is place to scream about the election; to vent, to rejoice, to grumble, then scream again. I swear, your throat will feel like sandpaper once this day is done. Have you voted yet? Are you in line? Post pictures! Is your heart skipping beats? Do you fear for the future? Of course you do! But crucially, do you have enough booze and pills to get through this? What, exactly, are you taking or drinking? We want to know. And what are you eating? Are you a sugar or salt whore? We want to know that, too.  Leave those who'd rather not discuss such matters to our special Election-Free Open Post , since today, for one day only, we're gettin' real and gettin' dirty  in our own gasping, shrieking, blood-soaked election post. Hold tight.   
Read more

OPEN POST: We Will Survive!

By
Image
Rise up, my chickens. We're all worth fighting for.  It won't be easy, it won't be fun, but through the long dark of night and on to a new day, it will surely be worth it. We don't regularly refer to politics in our Open Posts, but today, I think it's worth noting that many of us got through eight long years of Ronald Reagan - and it was a nightmare, and for many of my contemporaries, deadly. But here we are, we're still standing. We'll get through this, too, I promise.  What does this mean in the short-term? Tears, fury, booze, pills, or weed, of course. You have my permission - not that you need it - to comfort yourself however you like for the rest of the week. But come Monday, all bets are off. Bitches won't even see us coming. 
Read more

OPEN POST: Monday Music At The Manor With DJ Li'l Scratch!

By
Image
Are you freaking out about the election tomorrow? Me, too. Or maybe you're having a more generalized "It's Monday, oh-my-fucking-gawd" freak out? In either case, please allow Peckerwood Manor's esteemed DJ Li'l Scratch to take you away. Many of you already know about Li'l Scratch, as he regularly lays tracks at "Heavy D's," the Manor's exclusive after-hours club.  Today he's spinning Teri Thornton, a vibrant, husky-voiced jazz singer and piano player who hailed from Detroit. In 1961, she exploded onto the scene with her debut LP, "Devil May Care," demonstrating show-stopping vocal prowess. The reviews were through the roof and so was the public reception, yet just as suddenly - poof - she vanished after a few more LPs, her career thwarted by market changes given the rise of rock 'n' roll. And that was that. She was all but forgotten, reduced to driving a taxi to make ends meet.  But in a jaw-dropping comeback, she re
Read more