Elon Musk Just Challenged Mark Zuckerberg To a Dick Measuring Contest!

It's a Peen Battle, ya'll! But first, whisper thy names: Rockefeller. Vanderbilt. Carnegie. These were the august financial titans of the 1920s, who, in today's dollars, would be worth hundreds of billions of dollars more than any of today's financial behemoths. 

Plus, I'm fairly certain that Rockefeller, Vanderbilt or Carnegie never challenged each other to a "literal dick measuring context," but golly, it's 2023 and we're so much more evolved. This is not to say that Rockefeller and the like were well-behaved. They were ruthless, often blood-thirsty, monopolists, and in the case of Henry Ford, virulently anti-Semitic. 

But like Trump's legal quagmires being called "Stupid Watergate," we now have its companion, "Wealthy Stupidos," in the form of Musk, Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. Added bonus: they are all deeply concerned with their peen sizes. 

How else to explain Bezos' notorious rocket-shlong - specifically designed with fat mushroom cap - and now, a Twitter spat this week between Musk and Zuckerberg, which, predictably, plummets to talk of who's got the biggest jizz bomb. 

What prompted this? Fragile male egos! Zuckerberg's new "Threads," a wildly successful Twitter-like social platform, is making Musk look the fool, or more accurately, making him terrified that everyone will think he's got a sad little cockapiller. 

Or is this a larger problem? Are straight men okay? I ask because we're currently awash in angry INCELS who live in their mommy's basements with only their X-Boxes, sticky socks and piles and piles of moist, skidmarked undies. Are they all confused?

They might be! On the left, straight guys have to contend with a riot of new word salad terms, like non-binary, intersex, bi-gender and the show-stopping "they."

It's no better on the right, where manhood is defined by the likes of Josh Hawley...

...and his best-selling book, "Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs," which blames sex trafficking on "Epicurean liberals" and urges rugged, pious men to avoid "effeminate" jobs in the service industry. 

And that brings us back to our cock warrior oligarchs, Musk, Zuckerberg and Bezos. 

You know how this ends. It's not something we want to see. But maybe a bro-blowie or a chod-blasting taint tickle will slow their size-queen roll. Ah hahahaha! I'm kidding. It won't. 

Photo Source: ThePhotOne; BACKGRID; Alamy