Hor of the Manor: The Drunk Woman Who Stole a 45-Foot Ferry!

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The Dart Princess

I don't know about you, but in my world there are few people I'd consider more messy than pro-plaque, #mepoo activist Johnny Depp. And generally speaking, I've felt pretty confident in that assessment. That is, until today!

Join me in the way back machine and meet Alison Whelan, who in 2011 spent two days drinking Lambrini (um, CLASSY!) and eating toxic nightshade before boarding the Dart Princess, a 45-foot ferry. Whelan drifted up the river after undoing the mooring ropes in the early hours of the morning, then taunted police, yelling, "What are you going to do now?! I believe this is out of your jurisdiction!" before smashing into other boats while shouting, "I'm Jack Sparrow! I'm a pirate!" - presumably all while blowing raspberries and making imaginary peen-whacking gestures. 

A lifeboat crew, coastguards, paramedics, and thirty police in total had to be called to the scene. Whelan was finally arrested when the ferry slowed in the water. She told police, "We'd have ended up in St. Tropez if we hadn't been caught!" before they probably removed her drunk-woman mask to reveal it was Johnny Depp all along and then tossed him in the back of the Mystery Machine! Zoinks!

Johnny Depp, Stranger to Hygiene 

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