Madonna First Album Turns 40 Today!

Do you feel old yet? If you were alive when Madonna's first LP dropped on July 27th, 1983, then there's a good chance you've had a colonoscopy. Maybe you're on dolls for high cholesterol. Or maybe you're just cranky as fuque. Oh, you lucky star! Can crutch tips be far behind? But really, who doesn't remember sashaying past their school lockers with their Walkman blasting "Everybody" and feeling like you were the shit? It was on your Walkman, 'cause you bought the cassingle!

And the cover art for the single? It was so "ghetto," as the kids said back then, or at least Sire, her label, wanted you to think so. Me and my friends thought the singer was either A) a cute Black girl who'd sucked on helium given her Minnie Mouse voice, or B), that little chihuahua with the Frisbee who was obviously ready to do a breakdancing backspin - with the frisbee in her mouth, yo, 'cause she stylin'.

Yet in time, as more singles and a few music videos, rolled out, we learned that it wasn't a Black girl or a little chihuahua, but a slutty white girl from Michigan (with a last name that sounded like chihuahua) who could pop her pousay like no one's business, and who's fashion was thrift store chic. Girls loved her, the gheys loved her and straight guys wanted to bang her. Something for everyone! Let's not talk about Madonna today, let's just remember that golden time when lyrics like, "Uh! C'mon! Shine your heavenly body to-night!" sounded like pure poetry. Kids today, they just don't get it! *pops Werthers*

Photo Credits: Sire/Warner Bros