Stray Gardens: Seven Persian Cats Are Now Richer Than You!

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Judging, mercilessly (Photo courtesy of WFLA)

DISCLAIMER: I wrote this cursed article a few days before the subject became a topic in Open Post on the D. Just pretend you didn't see it there first, ok? Ok!

If you ever had a moment of doubt that cats aren’t, in fact, superior to us humans, then now is the time to walk straight to the nearest mirror, look yourself in your inferior eyes and say, “You dumb bitch.”

That’s because seven Persian cats (Cleopatra, Goldfinger, Leo, Midnight, Napoleon, Snowball, and Squeaky to be exact) are living the high life after a short stint of putting up with their owner, Nancy Sauer, who passed away recently. Sauer, a Florida native (of course), left the 5-year-old purebreds a whopping inheritance of $300,000 (that's roughly $42k purr cat) when she died just three days after her 84th birthday in November. Since then, the cats have continued to live alone in her $2.5 million mansion in Tampa, transforming it into what is presumably now the largest litter box since the Playboy Mansion was in operation (allegedly).

But fear not, jealous yet concerned apes. Someone has been checking on the feline grifters several times a day, and a county judge has ordered that the Persians be found new homes. Humane Society of Tampa Bay executive Sherry Silk told the Tampa Bay Times last week, “Cats shouldn’t be left by themselves in a big house,” adding that she would personally keep as many of them together as possible since that was also on the list of Sauer’s ridiculous reasonable requirements after her death.

The $300k inheritance will be used to help take care of the cats for the remainder of their lives, likely funding a catnip dispensary the seven furry swindlers had in mind as they patiently waited for ol’ Nance to become hiss-tory. Only time will tail!

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