Cher Is Being "Hollywood Normal" And I Don't Like It At All!

Cher was 40 years old when she was banging her 22 year-old boyfriend, "Bagel Boy," aka Rob Camilletti, back in 1986. "Good for her!" people said at the time, because why shouldn't she be thunderpumping on a hot Italian piece? Cher is now 77 years-old and granny-dipping on 37 year-old Alexander Edwards, a VP at Def Jam Records. That'a 40-year age difference for those of you can't count. "Good for her!" absolutely no one is saying, because while their coupling is not as eeow as Vadge getting her meat hangers stirred by 29 year-old "athlete," Josh Popper - a name made for peen-slapping OnlyFans videos - this is Cher we're talking about, a national treasure. We do not want to cringe when it comes to Cher. 

As you'll recall, the world collectively shrieked, "Cher! No! Don't do it!" when she became engaged to Edwards back in 2022, or so it seemed. Was Cher losing it? Did she have Eldermentia or a serious case of Stupidos? Was Edwards a ghouldigger out for her cash? It certainly seemed that way, but Cher "clapped back," as the kids say. They were not engaged, she exclaimed, then claimed they were in love. "Older guys don't get me!" she cried. Uh-huh. Let's be blunt. Cher and Edwards' coupling looked as good on paper as Dane Cook and Kelsi Taylor, or Steven Tyler and Aimee Preston (a 40-year age difference, too!), or Rod Stewart and anyone. In other words, vom, and who wants to do that when you think of Cher? Missionary or Mission Impossible, amirite? 

And I'll be honest, I was also questioning Cher's taste. This beanpole with MySpace-era platinum blonde hair and a smile which screams "Welcome to the back alley Guatemalan headquarters of 'Veneers 'R' Us!'" is not what I wanted for her. If she was going to make lip-smacking cheese with a twinkly piece of cradle candy, I wanted to be envious. I was happy when they called it off last May. I was able to listen to "Believe" again without shame (sort of). 

But lo, they're back together now. They were spotted at Paris Fashion Week last Wednesday swapping spit and gazing into each other's eyes and generally making me want to projectile-blow chunks. This makes me sad-like, because as much as I toss my cookies when I think of Leonardo DiCaprio getting his droopy, Viagra-plumped knob slobbed by pin-thin "models" in their early 20s, I don't care about DiCaprio. I do care about Cher. I do want to listen to "Believe" again (sort of). Also, given Cher's and Edwards' 40-year age difference, I don't want to know that Cher and that aging lesbian who wears too much jewelry Steven Tyler actually have something in common. But they do!

Yikes! You just jumped back from your computer in horror, didn't you? And before you say, "Hey, Cher should be able to ride a jizz-popping crotch rocket if she wants," know that I agree. But really, does she have to be so "Hollywood Normal" about it? How about someone in their 40s, so it's only a 20-ish year difference (only!) (ha!), or a sexy dude in their early 60s? I, for one, am here for Jason Statham or Christopher Meloni or Jason Issacs shooting daddy's hot cream all over Cher's wrinkly poon waffle. Get it, Cher! Make us jelly! Just don't be common - which is the last thing we expect of you. 

Photo Credits: Cher/Instagram, Getty Images