Joe Jonas Files for Divorce from Sophie Turner: It's Getting Ugly

When Joe Jonas filed for divorce, it seemed like the old inevitable celebrity divorce that has played out for decades. Since gossip is scarce on the ground, it got a lot of attention, but it still didn't seem unusual or particularly scandalous. If a couple splits after four years with tiny children in civilian life, it invites intense speculation and wild theories. It is uncommon for the average couple to separate with very young children after a scant four years of marriage. Usually, it involves a situation one partner can't tolerate, so much so that they are willing to tear their family apart and become a single parent. For regular people, a substantial amount of consideration is about the money, a downgrade in lifestyle, and access to their kids. If the partner leaving is a man like Joe has done, suddenly, and there is no evidence of another woman or abuse, it is often assumed the woman is wretched and must be a terrible mother and should not have full custody of her very young kids. A one year child might not even be weaned from breastfeeding. Jezebel!

But these are celebrities, and those people have enough money to either fight over millions (Kevin and Christine), or they each have a fortune and simply want to get far away from each other and flounce to separate mansions. Still, the age of the youngest one had my gossip senses tingling, and I started thinking something drastic happened to make Joe file for Divorce and blindside Sophie, knowing the news cycles would be full of speculation. He did it on a Tuesday, giving the story a week to churn through the tabloids. 

At first, his team was controlling the narrative, and their "sources" (you know it is some overworked intern disguising their voice to sound like 5 different people) slyly insinuated that Sophie was not a devoted mother. The girl liked to hit the nightclubs, get drunk, and behave like a wild asshole who didn't give a damn about her babies or her long-suffering husband. Sophie is terrible news, and they sprinkled photos of her with drinks in her hand, pulling weird faces, and looking like a different Sophie. NOT SANSA, say it ain't so! Then, the intern behaving as source #4 let it be known that Joe was a homebody and just wanted a quiet family life. He is a great faithful parent who can't tolerate a hard-partying slattern who cares so little about her family and domesticity. It was all settled then. She's a roaring, selfish jerk with no heart and little loyalty. 

Sophie's people's first attempt to combat this idea was lame. They said that Sophie missed England and wasn't enjoying her life in the States. She's just homesick, y'all. It didn't land and sounded like she had no defense and was making excuses for abandoning her children at all hours of the night to behave like she's channeling OG Tara Reid. 

I did notice that in every photo, she seemed to have the same two outfits on and I started wondering what the real story was. Before CDAN became QAnon's bootleg stepchild, there were loads of stories about The Jonas Brothers, that their squeaky clean image was a big load of hogwash, and that they were druggies and fuck boys. Joe, in particular, was said to be snorting enough coke to make Pablo Escobar rise from the grave and say, "Dios mío, deja un poco de polvo de marcha para otra persona," aka "My God leave a little marching powder for someone else."

Supposedly, he was so bad that his famous girlfriends feared for his life, and he was a bad influence with a habit of doing so much he couldn't get an erection. These stories went on for years. So much so that I side-eyed Sophie when she got with him. I figured she must be on the coca, too. Then I promptly forgot about them because they seemed like a snoozefest unimportant celebrity couple between two Who the Fuck Cares. Vaguely, I thought they seemed okay and clean and forging a family together. Yawn.

So when Sophie's team fought back, it had a ring of truth. Previously, he had said she was a homebody and he was a social butterfly. Weird. There was a story about how unsupportive he was and how he didn't seem to understand she was mentally fragile and didn't give a damn. He was out on the scene and ignored his wife's plight. Okay. "Sources" (different intern) started saying he wasn't there for her after having babies so close together and that she practically begged to return to the UK for support from family and friends and hinted there was some Post-Partum Depression involved. If you have never given birth, I am here to confirm that emotions are everywhere after delivery. Irrational fears, worry, exhaustion, happiness, protectiveness, and about 100 other feelings are all mixed together to be confusing and hard to experience. Being alone without anyone there to help and look after a new mom during that time would be incredibly difficult and upsetting. 

He responded with a "total surprise, not staged" photo of him taking the little girls out for lunch, looking like Father of The Year. For some reason, we praise men for caring for their children like it is unique, above and beyond, and so sweeeeeeet. It was the perfect photo op to convey that he was involved and the parent in charge. He was the responsible one. Just look! All by himself (with the nanny)! Mothers seen doing the same thing are seen as just what should be happening, so there is nothing to see here, folks. If Sophie had done the same, I can guarantee the response would have been cynical and dismissive. 

Then the mic drop: Joe saw something on the ringer camera that forced him to file. Something so horrible that he could not possibly continue to be married to her was witnessed, forcing him to take this drastic action. Oh, snap! Sansa, you in trouble, girl. Instead of telling us what it is, they allow our imaginations to tell the story for them. It is hard to ignore the ringer camera scenario. Even though the intern let it be known someone said they spotted Joe looking single at a club days before, it only garnered a tired, "Oh really?" No, the ringer camera is where the real story is. It now dominates everything like a threat to her and her team; they had something that could end her career and turn the public against Sansa. 

How low will they go? The assertions are contradictory; he filed for joint custody, and there are no money grabs, but if she's such an irresponsible hussy, why is he only going for joint instead of sole custody? Bad enough to annihilate a young family but not bad enough to make her an unfit mother. Hmmm. Cheating? Drogas? It is impossible to know at this point. 

These two are just warming up. Someone has to win the PR war. It is too far gone to double back and say the divorce is amicable. No conscious uncoupling for these two. The contempt and spite are around the corner, and indeed, more tawdry details will follow. It is conceivable they will be done once the other one is writhing in the mud in pain and humiliation. 

What seems to be the question in these nasty celebrity divorces that they never ask themselves: What about the children?

(photos: Getty, IG, Wire Image)